bad landhausstil modern

part iii.a voyage to laputa, balnibarbi, luggnagg, glubbdubdrib, and japan.chapter i. the author sets out on his third voyage.is taken by pirates. the malice of a dutchman.his arrival at an island. he is received into laputa. i had not been at home above ten days, whencaptain william robinson, a cornish man, commander of the hopewell, a stout ship ofthree hundred tons, came to my house. i had formerly been surgeon of another shipwhere he was master, and a fourth part owner, in a voyage to the levant.

he had always treated me more like abrother, than an inferior officer; and, hearing of my arrival, made me a visit, asi apprehended only out of friendship, for nothing passed more than what is usualafter long absences. but repeating his visits often, expressinghis joy to find i me in good health, asking, "whether i were now settled forlife?" adding, "that he intended a voyage to the east indies in two months," at last he plainly invited me, though with someapologies, to be surgeon of the ship; "that i should have another surgeon under me,beside our two mates; that my salary should be double to the usual pay; and that having

experienced my knowledge in sea-affairs tobe at least equal to his, he would enter into any engagement to follow my advice, asmuch as if i had shared in the command." he said so many other obliging things, and i knew him to be so honest a man, that icould not reject this proposal; the thirst i had of seeing the world, notwithstandingmy past misfortunes, continuing as violent as ever. the only difficulty that remained, was topersuade my wife, whose consent however i at last obtained, by the prospect ofadvantage she proposed to her children. we set out the 5th day of august, 1706, andarrived at fort st.

george the 11th of april, 1707.we staid there three weeks to refresh our crew, many of whom were sick. from thence we went to tonquin, where thecaptain resolved to continue some time, because many of the goods he intended tobuy were not ready, nor could he expect to be dispatched in several months. therefore, in hopes to defray some of thecharges he must be at, he bought a sloop, loaded it with several sorts of goods,wherewith the tonquinese usually trade to the neighbouring islands, and putting fourteen men on board, whereof three wereof the country, he appointed me master of

the sloop, and gave me power to traffic,while he transacted his affairs at tonquin. we had not sailed above three days, when agreat storm arising, we were driven five days to the north-north-east, and then tothe east: after which we had fair weather, but still with a pretty strong gale fromthe west. upon the tenth day we were chased by twopirates, who soon overtook us; for my sloop was so deep laden, that she sailed veryslow, neither were we in a condition to defend ourselves. we were boarded about the same time by boththe pirates, who entered furiously at the head of their men; but finding us allprostrate upon our faces (for so i gave

order), they pinioned us with strong ropes, and setting guard upon us, went to searchthe sloop. i observed among them a dutchman, whoseemed to be of some authority, though he was not commander of either ship. he knew us by our countenances to beenglishmen, and jabbering to us in his own language, swore we should be tied back toback and thrown into the sea. i spoken dutch tolerably well; i told himwho we were, and begged him, in consideration of our being christians andprotestants, of neighbouring countries in strict alliance, that he would move thecaptains to take some pity on us.

this inflamed his rage; he repeated histhreatenings, and turning to his companions, spoke with great vehemence inthe japanese language, as i suppose, often using the word christianos. the largest of the two pirate ships wascommanded by a japanese captain, who spoke a little dutch, but very imperfectly. he came up to me, and after severalquestions, which i answered in great humility, he said, "we should not die." imade the captain a very low bow, and then, turning to the dutchman, said, "i was sorry to find more mercy in a heathen, than in abrother christian." but i had soon reason

to repent those foolish words: for thatmalicious reprobate, having often endeavoured in vain to persuade both the captains that i might be thrown into thesea (which they would not yield to, after the promise made me that i should not die),however, prevailed so far, as to have a punishment inflicted on me, worse, in allhuman appearance, than death itself. my men were sent by an equal division intoboth the pirate ships, and my sloop new manned. as to myself, it was determined that ishould be set adrift in a small canoe, with paddles and a sail, and four days'provisions; which last, the japanese

captain was so kind to double out of his own stores, and would permit no man tosearch me. i got down into the canoe, while thedutchman, standing upon the deck, loaded me with all the curses and injurious terms hislanguage could afford. about an hour before we saw the pirates ihad taken an observation, and found we were in the latitude of 46 n. and longitude of183. when i was at some distance from thepirates, i discovered, by my pocket-glass, several islands to the south-east. i set up my sail, the wind being fair, witha design to reach the nearest of those

islands, which i made a shift to do, inabout three hours. it was all rocky: however i got many birds'eggs; and, striking fire, i kindled some heath and dry sea-weed, by which i roastedmy eggs. i ate no other supper, being resolved tospare my provisions as much as i could. i passed the night under the shelter of arock, strewing some heath under me, and slept pretty well. the next day i sailed to another island,and thence to a third and fourth, sometimes using my sail, and sometimes my paddles. but, not to trouble the reader with aparticular account of my distresses, let it

suffice, that on the fifth day i arrived atthe last island in my sight, which lay south-south-east to the former. this island was at a greater distance thani expected, and i did not reach it in less than five hours. i encompassed it almost round, before icould find a convenient place to land in; which was a small creek, about three timesthe wideness of my canoe. i found the island to be all rocky, only alittle intermingled with tufts of grass, and sweet-smelling herbs. i took out my small provisions and afterhaving refreshed myself, i secured the

remainder in a cave, whereof there weregreat numbers; i gathered plenty of eggs upon the rocks, and got a quantity of dry sea-weed, and parched grass, which idesigned to kindle the next day, and roast my eggs as well as i could, for i had aboutme my flint, steel, match, and burning- glass. i lay all night in the cave where i hadlodged my provisions. my bed was the same dry grass and sea-weedwhich i intended for fuel. i slept very little, for the disquiets ofmy mind prevailed over my weariness, and kept me awake.

i considered how impossible it was topreserve my life in so desolate a place, and how miserable my end must be: yet foundmyself so listless and desponding, that i had not the heart to rise; and before i could get spirits enough to creep out of mycave, the day was far advanced. i walked awhile among the rocks: the skywas perfectly clear, and the sun so hot, that i was forced to turn my face from it:when all on a sudden it became obscure, as i thought, in a manner very different from what happens by the interposition of acloud. i turned back, and perceived a vast opaquebody between me and the sun moving forwards

towards the island: it seemed to be abouttwo miles high, and hid the sun six or seven minutes; but i did not observe the air to be much colder, or the sky moredarkened, than if i had stood under the shade of a mountain. as it approached nearer over the placewhere i was, it appeared to be a firm substance, the bottom flat, smooth, andshining very bright, from the reflection of the sea below. i stood upon a height about two hundredyards from the shore, and saw this vast body descending almost to a parallel withme, at less than an english mile distance.

i took out my pocket perspective, and couldplainly discover numbers of people moving up and down the sides of it, which appearedto be sloping; but what those people where doing i was not able to distinguish. the natural love of life gave me someinward motion of joy, and i was ready to entertain a hope that this adventure might,some way or other, help to deliver me from the desolate place and condition i was in. but at the same time the reader can hardlyconceive my astonishment, to behold an island in the air, inhabited by men, whowere able (as it should seem) to raise or sink, or put it into progressive motion, asthey pleased.

but not being at that time in a dispositionto philosophise upon this phenomenon, i rather chose to observe what course theisland would take, because it seemed for awhile to stand still. yet soon after, it advanced nearer, and icould see the sides of it encompassed with several gradations of galleries, andstairs, at certain intervals, to descend from one to the other. in the lowest gallery, i beheld some peoplefishing with long angling rods, and others looking on. i waved my cap (for my hat was long sinceworn out) and my handkerchief toward the

island; and upon its nearer approach, icalled and shouted with the utmost strength of my voice; and then looking circumspectly, i beheld a crowd gather tothat side which was most in my view. i found by their pointing towards me and toeach other, that they plainly discovered me, although they made no return to myshouting. but i could see four or five men running ingreat haste, up the stairs, to the top of the island, who then disappeared. i happened rightly to conjecture, thatthese were sent for orders to some person in authority upon this occasion.

the number of people increased, and, inless than half all hour, the island was moved and raised in such a manner, that thelowest gallery appeared in a parallel of less then a hundred yards distance from theheight where i stood. i then put myself in the most supplicatingposture, and spoke in the humblest accent, but received no answer. those who stood nearest over against me,seemed to be persons of distinction, as i supposed by their habit.they conferred earnestly with each other, looking often upon me. at length one of them called out in aclear, polite, smooth dialect, not unlike

in sound to the italian: and therefore ireturned an answer in that language, hoping at least that the cadence might be moreagreeable to his ears. although neither of us understood theother, yet my meaning was easily known, for the people saw the distress i was in. they made signs for me to come down fromthe rock, and go towards the shore, which i accordingly did; and the flying islandbeing raised to a convenient height, the verge directly over me, a chain was let down from the lowest gallery, with a seatfastened to the bottom, to which i fixed myself, and was drawn up by pulleys.

glubbdubdrib, and japan.chapter ii. the humours and dispositions of thelaputians described. an account of their learning.of the king and his court. the author's reception there. the inhabitants subject to fear anddisquietudes. an account of the women. at my alighting, i was surrounded with acrowd of people, but those who stood nearest seemed to be of better quality. they beheld me with all the marks andcircumstances of wonder; neither indeed was

i much in their debt, having never tillthen seen a race of mortals so singular in their shapes, habits, and countenances. their heads were all reclined, either tothe right, or the left; one of their eyes turned inward, and the other directly up tothe zenith. their outward garments were adorned withthe figures of suns, moons, and stars; interwoven with those of fiddles, flutes,harps, trumpets, guitars, harpsichords, and many other instruments of music, unknown tous in europe. i observed, here and there, many in thehabit of servants, with a blown bladder, fastened like a flail to the end of astick, which they carried in their hands.

in each bladder was a small quantity ofdried peas, or little pebbles, as i was afterwards informed. with these bladders, they now and thenflapped the mouths and ears of those who stood near them, of which practice i couldnot then conceive the meaning. it seems the minds of these people are sotaken up with intense speculations, that they neither can speak, nor attend to thediscourses of others, without being roused by some external taction upon the organs of speech and hearing; for which reason, thosepersons who are able to afford it always keep a flapper (the original is climenole)in their family, as one of their domestics;

nor ever walk abroad, or make visits,without him. and the business of this officer is, whentwo, three, or more persons are in company, gently to strike with his bladder the mouthof him who is to speak, and the right ear of him or them to whom the speakeraddresses himself. this flapper is likewise employeddiligently to attend his master in his walks, and upon occasion to give him a softflap on his eyes; because he is always so wrapped up in cogitation, that he is in manifest danger of falling down everyprecipice, and bouncing his head against every post; and in the streets, of justlingothers, or being justled himself into the

kennel. it was necessary to give the reader thisinformation, without which he would be at the same loss with me to understand theproceedings of these people, as they conducted me up the stairs to the top of the island, and from thence to the royalpalace. while we were ascending, they forgotseveral times what they were about, and left me to myself, till their memories wereagain roused by their flappers; for they appeared altogether unmoved by the sight of my foreign habit and countenance, and bythe shouts of the vulgar, whose thoughts

and minds were more disengaged. at last we entered the palace, andproceeded into the chamber of presence, where i saw the king seated on his throne,attended on each side by persons of prime quality. before the throne, was a large table filledwith globes and spheres, and mathematical instruments of all kinds. his majesty took not the least notice ofus, although our entrance was not without sufficient noise, by the concourse of allpersons belonging to the court. but he was then deep in a problem; and weattended at least an hour, before he could

solve it. there stood by him, on each side, a youngpage with flaps in their hands, and when they saw he was at leisure, one of themgently struck his mouth, and the other his right ear; at which he startled like one awaked on the sudden, and looking towardsme and the company i was in, recollected the occasion of our coming, whereof he hadbeen informed before. he spoke some words, whereupon immediatelya young man with a flap came up to my side, and flapped me gently on the right ear; buti made signs, as well as i could, that i had no occasion for such an instrument;

which, as i afterwards found, gave hismajesty, and the whole court, a very mean opinion of my understanding. the king, as far as i could conjecture,asked me several questions, and i addressed myself to him in all the languages i had. when it was found i could neitherunderstand nor be understood, i was conducted by his order to an apartment inhis palace (this prince being distinguished above all his predecessors for his hospitality to strangers), where twoservants were appointed to attend me. my dinner was brought, and four persons ofquality, whom i remembered to have seen

very near the king's person, did me thehonour to dine with me. we had two courses, of three dishes each. in the first course, there was a shoulderof mutton cut into an equilateral triangle, a piece of beef into a rhomboides, and apudding into a cycloid. the second course was two ducks trussed upin the form of fiddles; sausages and puddings resembling flutes and hautboys,and a breast of veal in the shape of a harp. the servants cut our bread into cones,cylinders, parallelograms, and several other mathematical figures.

while we were at dinner, i made bold to askthe names of several things in their language, and those noble persons, by theassistance of their flappers, delighted to give me answers, hoping to raise my admiration of their great abilities if icould be brought to converse with them. i was soon able to call for bread anddrink, or whatever else i wanted. after dinner my company withdrew, and aperson was sent to me by the king's order, attended by a flapper. he brought with him pen, ink, and paper,and three or four books, giving me to understand by signs, that he was sent toteach me the language.

we sat together four hours, in which time iwrote down a great number of words in columns, with the translations over againstthem; i likewise made a shift to learn several short sentences; for my tutor would order one of my servants to fetchsomething, to turn about, to make a bow, to sit, or to stand, or walk, and the like.then i took down the sentence in writing. he showed me also, in one of his books, thefigures of the sun, moon, and stars, the zodiac, the tropics, and polar circles,together with the denominations of many plains and solids. he gave me the names and descriptions ofall the musical instruments, and the

general terms of art in playing on each ofthem. after he had left me, i placed all mywords, with their interpretations, in alphabetical order. and thus, in a few days, by the help of avery faithful memory, i got some insight into their language. the word, which i interpret the flying orfloating island, is in the original laputa, whereof i could never learn the trueetymology. lap, in the old obsolete language,signifies high; and untuh, a governor; from which they say, by corruption, was derivedlaputa, from lapuntuh.

but i do not approve of this derivation,which seems to be a little strained. i ventured to offer to the learned amongthem a conjecture of my own, that laputa was quasi lap outed; lap, signifyingproperly, the dancing of the sunbeams in the sea, and outed, a wing; which, however, i shall not obtrude, but submit to thejudicious reader. those to whom the king had entrusted me,observing how ill i was clad, ordered a tailor to come next morning, and takemeasure for a suit of clothes. this operator did his office after adifferent manner from those of his trade in europe.

he first took my altitude by a quadrant,and then, with a rule and compasses, described the dimensions and outlines of mywhole body, all which he entered upon paper; and in six days brought my clothes very ill made, and quite out of shape, byhappening to mistake a figure in the calculation. but my comfort was, that i observed suchaccidents very frequent, and little regarded. during my confinement for want of clothes,and by an indisposition that held me some days longer, i much enlarged my dictionary;and when i went next to court, was able to

understand many things the king spoke, andto return him some kind of answers. his majesty had given orders, that theisland should move north-east and by east, to the vertical point over lagado, themetropolis of the whole kingdom below, upon the firm earth. it was about ninety leagues distant, andour voyage lasted four days and a half. i was not in the least sensible of theprogressive motion made in the air by the island. on the second morning, about eleveno'clock, the king himself in person, attended by his nobility, courtiers, andofficers, having prepared all their musical

instruments, played on them for three hours without intermission, so that i was quitestunned with the noise; neither could i possibly guess the meaning, till my tutorinformed me. he said that, the people of their islandhad their ears adapted to hear "the music of the spheres, which always played atcertain periods, and the court was now prepared to bear their part, in whatever instrument they most excelled." in ourjourney towards lagado, the capital city, his majesty ordered that the island shouldstop over certain towns and villages, from whence he might receive the petitions ofhis subjects.

and to this purpose, several packthreadswere let down, with small weights at the bottom. on these packthreads the people strungtheir petitions, which mounted up directly, like the scraps of paper fastened by schoolboys at the end of the string that holds their kite. sometimes we received wine and victualsfrom below, which were drawn up by pulleys. the knowledge i had in mathematics, gave megreat assistance in acquiring their phraseology, which depended much upon thatscience, and music; and in the latter i was not unskilled.

their ideas are perpetually conversant inlines and figures. if they would, for example, praise thebeauty of a woman, or any other animal, they describe it by rhombs, circles,parallelograms, ellipses, and other geometrical terms, or by words of art drawnfrom music, needless here to repeat. i observed in the king's kitchen all sortsof mathematical and musical instruments, after the figures of which they cut up thejoints that were served to his majesty's table. their houses are very ill built, the wallsbevil, without one right angle in any apartment; and this defect arises from thecontempt they bear to practical geometry,

which they despise as vulgar and mechanic; those instructions they give being toorefined for the intellects of their workmen, which occasions perpetualmistakes. and although they are dexterous enough upona piece of paper, in the management of the rule, the pencil, and the divider, yet inthe common actions and behaviour of life, i have not seen a more clumsy, awkward, and unhandy people, nor so slow and perplexedin their conceptions upon all other subjects, except those of mathematics andmusic. they are very bad reasoners, and vehementlygiven to opposition, unless when they

happen to be of the right opinion, which isseldom their case. imagination, fancy, and invention, they arewholly strangers to, nor have any words in their language, by which those ideas can beexpressed; the whole compass of their thoughts and mind being shut up within thetwo forementioned sciences. most of them, and especially those who dealin the astronomical part, have great faith in judicial astrology, although they areashamed to own it publicly. but what i chiefly admired, and thoughtaltogether unaccountable, was the strong disposition i observed in them towards newsand politics, perpetually inquiring into public affairs, giving their judgments in

matters of state, and passionatelydisputing every inch of a party opinion. i have indeed observed the same dispositionamong most of the mathematicians i have known in europe, although i could neverdiscover the least analogy between the two sciences; unless those people suppose, that because the smallest circle has as manydegrees as the largest, therefore the regulation and management of the worldrequire no more abilities than the handling and turning of a globe; but i rather take this quality to spring from a very commoninfirmity of human nature, inclining us to be most curious and conceited in matterswhere we have least concern, and for which

we are least adapted by study or nature. these people are under continualdisquietudes, never enjoying a minutes peace of mind; and their disturbancesproceed from causes which very little affect the rest of mortals. their apprehensions arise from severalchanges they dread in the celestial bodies: for instance, that the earth, by thecontinual approaches of the sun towards it, must, in course of time, be absorbed, or swallowed up; that the face of the sun,will, by degrees, be encrusted with its own effluvia, and give no more light to theworld; that the earth very narrowly escaped

a brush from the tail of the last comet, which would have infallibly reduced it toashes; and that the next, which they have calculated for one-and-thirty years hence,will probably destroy us. for if, in its perihelion, it shouldapproach within a certain degree of the sun (as by their calculations they have reasonto dread) it will receive a degree of heat ten thousand times more intense than that of red hot glowing iron, and in its absencefrom the sun, carry a blazing tail ten hundred thousand and fourteen miles long,through which, if the earth should pass at the distance of one hundred thousand miles

from the nucleus, or main body of thecomet, it must in its passage be set on fire, and reduced to ashes: that the sun,daily spending its rays without any nutriment to supply them, will at last be wholly consumed and annihilated; which mustbe attended with the destruction of this earth, and of all the planets that receivetheir light from it. they are so perpetually alarmed with theapprehensions of these, and the like impending dangers, that they can neithersleep quietly in their beds, nor have any relish for the common pleasures andamusements of life. when they meet an acquaintance in themorning, the first question is about the

sun's health, how he looked at his settingand rising, and what hopes they have to avoid the stroke of the approaching comet. this conversation they are apt to run intowith the same temper that boys discover in delighting to hear terrible stories ofspirits and hobgoblins, which they greedily listen to, and dare not go to bed for fear. the women of the island have abundance ofvivacity: they, contemn their husbands, and are exceedingly fond of strangers, whereofthere is always a considerable number from the continent below, attending at court, either upon affairs of the several townsand corporations, or their own particular

occasions, but are much despised, becausethey want the same endowments. among these the ladies choose theirgallants: but the vexation is, that they act with too much ease and security; forthe husband is always so rapt in speculation, that the mistress and lover may proceed to the greatest familiaritiesbefore his face, if he be but provided with paper and implements, and without hisflapper at his side. the wives and daughters lament theirconfinement to the island, although i think it the most delicious spot of ground in theworld; and although they live here in the greatest plenty and magnificence, and are

allowed to do whatever they please, theylong to see the world, and take the diversions of the metropolis, which theyare not allowed to do without a particular license from the king; and this is not easy to be obtained, because the people ofquality have found, by frequent experience, how hard it is to persuade their women toreturn from below. i was told that a great court lady, who hadseveral children,-is married to the prime minister, the richest subject in thekingdom, a very graceful person, extremely fond of her, and lives in the finest palace of the island,-went down to lagado on thepretence of health, there hid herself for

several months, till the king sent awarrant to search for her; and she was found in an obscure eating-house all in rags, having pawned her clothes to maintainan old deformed footman, who beat her every day, and in whose company she was taken,much against her will. and although her husband received her withall possible kindness, and without the least reproach, she soon after contrived tosteal down again, with all her jewels, to the same gallant, and has not been heard ofsince. this may perhaps pass with the readerrather for an european or english story, than for one of a country so remote.

but he may please to consider, that thecaprices of womankind are not limited by any climate or nation, and that they aremuch more uniform, than can be easily imagined. in about a month's time, i had made atolerable proficiency in their language, and was able to answer most of the king'squestions, when i had the honour to attend him. his majesty discovered not the leastcuriosity to inquire into the laws, government, history, religion, or mannersof the countries where i had been; but confined his questions to the state of

mathematics, and received the account igave him with great contempt and indifference, though often roused by hisflapper on each side. glubbdubdrib, and japan.chapter iii. a phenomenon solved by modern philosophyand astronomy. the laputians' great improvements in thelatter. the king's method of suppressinginsurrections. i desired leave of this prince to see thecuriosities of the island, which he was graciously pleased to grant, and ordered mytutor to attend me. i chiefly wanted to know, to what cause, inart or in nature, it owed its several

motions, whereof i will now give aphilosophical account to the reader. the flying or floating island is exactlycircular, its diameter 7837 yards, or about four miles and a half, and consequentlycontains ten thousand acres. it is three hundred yards thick. the bottom, or under surface, which appearsto those who view it below, is one even regular plate of adamant, shooting up tothe height of about two hundred yards. above it lie the several minerals in theirusual order, and over all is a coat of rich mould, ten or twelve feet deep. the declivity of the upper surface, fromthe circumference to the centre, is the

natural cause why all the dews and rains,which fall upon the island, are conveyed in small rivulets toward the middle, where they are emptied into four large basins,each of about half a mile in circuit, and two hundred yards distant from the centre. from these basins the water is continuallyexhaled by the sun in the daytime, which effectually prevents their overflowing. besides, as it is in the power of themonarch to raise the island above the region of clouds and vapours, he canprevent the falling of dews and rain whenever he pleases.

for the highest clouds cannot rise abovetwo miles, as naturalists agree, at least they were never known to do so in thatcountry. at the centre of the island there is achasm about fifty yards in diameter, whence the astronomers descend into a large dome,which is therefore called flandona gagnole, or the astronomer's cave, situated at the depth of a hundred yards beneath the uppersurface of the adamant. in this cave are twenty lamps continuallyburning, which, from the reflection of the adamant, cast a strong light into everypart. the place is stored with great variety ofsextants, quadrants, telescopes,

astrolabes, and other astronomicalinstruments. but the greatest curiosity, upon which thefate of the island depends, is a loadstone of a prodigious size, in shape resembling aweaver's shuttle. it is in length six yards, and in thethickest part at least three yards over. this magnet is sustained by a very strongaxle of adamant passing through its middle, upon which it plays, and is poised soexactly that the weakest hand can turn it. it is hooped round with a hollow cylinderof adamant, four feet yards in diameter, placed horizontally, and supported by eightadamantine feet, each six yards high. in the middle of the concave side, there isa groove twelve inches deep, in which the

extremities of the axle are lodged, andturned round as there is occasion. the stone cannot be removed from its placeby any force, because the hoop and its feet are one continued piece with that body ofadamant which constitutes the bottom of the by means of this loadstone, the island ismade to rise and fall, and move from one place to another. for, with respect to that part of the earthover which the monarch presides, the stone is endued at one of its sides with anattractive power, and at the other with a repulsive. upon placing the magnet erect, with itsattracting end towards the earth, the

island descends; but when the repellingextremity points downwards, the island mounts directly upwards. when the position of the stone is oblique,the motion of the island is so too: for in this magnet, the forces always act in linesparallel to its direction. by this oblique motion, the island isconveyed to different parts of the monarch's dominions. to explain the manner of its progress, leta b represent a line drawn across the dominions of balnibarbi, let the line c drepresent the loadstone, of which let d be the repelling end, and c the attracting

end, the island being over c: let the stonebe placed in position c d, with its repelling end downwards; then the islandwill be driven upwards obliquely towards d. when it is arrived at d, let the stone beturned upon its axle, till its attracting end points towards e, and then the islandwill be carried obliquely towards e; where, if the stone be again turned upon its axle till it stands in the position e f, withits repelling point downwards, the island will rise obliquely towards f, where, bydirecting the attracting end towards g, the island may be carried to g, and from g to h, by turning the stone, so as to make itsrepelling extremity to point directly

downward. and thus, by changing the situation of thestone, as often as there is occasion, the island is made to rise and fall by turns inan oblique direction, and by those alternate risings and fallings (the obliquity being not considerable) isconveyed from one part of the dominions to the other. but it must be observed, that this islandcannot move beyond the extent of the dominions below, nor can it rise above theheight of four miles. for which the astronomers (who have writtenlarge systems concerning the stone) assign

the following reason: that the magneticvirtue does not extend beyond the distance of four miles, and that the mineral, which acts upon the stone in the bowels of theearth, and in the sea about six leagues distant from the shore, is not diffusedthrough the whole globe, but terminated with the limits of the king's dominions; and it was easy, from the great advantageof such a superior situation, for a prince to bring under his obedience whatevercountry lay within the attraction of that magnet. when the stone is put parallel to the planeof the horizon, the island stands still;

for in that case the extremities of it,being at equal distance from the earth, act with equal force, the one in drawing downwards, the other in pushing upwards,and consequently no motion can ensue. this loadstone is under the care of certainastronomers, who, from time to time, give it such positions as the monarch directs. they spend the greatest part of their livesin observing the celestial bodies, which they do by the assistance of glasses, farexcelling ours in goodness. for, although their largest telescopes donot exceed three feet, they magnify much more than those of a hundred with us, andshow the stars with greater clearness.

this advantage has enabled them to extendtheir discoveries much further than our astronomers in europe; for they have made acatalogue of ten thousand fixed stars, whereas the largest of ours do not containabove one third part of that number. they have likewise discovered two lesserstars, or satellites, which revolve about mars; whereof the innermost is distant fromthe centre of the primary planet exactly three of his diameters, and the outermost, five; the former revolves in the space often hours, and the latter in twenty-one and a half; so that the squares of theirperiodical times are very near in the same proportion with the cubes of their distance

from the centre of mars; which evidentlyshows them to be governed by the same law of gravitation that influences the otherheavenly bodies. they have observed ninety-three differentcomets, and settled their periods with great exactness. if this be true (and they affirm it withgreat confidence) it is much to be wished, that their observations were made public,whereby the theory of comets, which at present is very lame and defective, might be brought to the same perfection withother arts of astronomy. the king would be the most absolute princein the universe, if he could but prevail on

a ministry to join with him; but thesehaving their estates below on the continent, and considering that the office of a favourite has a very uncertain tenure,would never consent to the enslaving of their country. if any town should engage in rebellion ormutiny, fall into violent factions, or refuse to pay the usual tribute, the kinghas two methods of reducing them to obedience. the first and the mildest course is, bykeeping the island hovering over such a town, and the lands about it, whereby hecan deprive them of the benefit of the sun

and the rain, and consequently afflict the inhabitants with dearth and diseases: andif the crime deserve it, they are at the same time pelted from above with greatstones, against which they have no defence but by creeping into cellars or caves, while the roofs of their houses are beatento pieces. but if they still continue obstinate, oroffer to raise insurrections, he proceeds to the last remedy, by letting the islanddrop directly upon their heads, which makes a universal destruction both of houses andmen. however, this is an extremity to which theprince is seldom driven, neither indeed is

he willing to put it in execution; nor darehis ministers advise him to an action, which, as it would render them odious to the people, so it would be a great damageto their own estates, which all lie below; for the island is the king's demesne. but there is still indeed a more weightyreason, why the kings of this country have been always averse from executing soterrible an action, unless upon the utmost necessity. for, if the town intended to be destroyedshould have in it any tall rocks, as it generally falls out in the larger cities,a situation probably chosen at first with a

view to prevent such a catastrophe; or if it abound in high spires, or pillars ofstone, a sudden fall might endanger the bottom or under surface of the island,which, although it consist, as i have said, of one entire adamant, two hundred yards thick, might happen to crack by too great ashock, or burst by approaching too near the fires from the houses below, as the backs,both of iron and stone, will often do in our chimneys. of all this the people are well apprised,and understand how far to carry their obstinacy, where their liberty or propertyis concerned.

and the king, when he is highest provoked,and most determined to press a city to rubbish, orders the island to descend withgreat gentleness, out of a pretence of tenderness to his people, but, indeed, for fear of breaking the adamantine bottom; inwhich case, it is the opinion of all their philosophers, that the loadstone could nolonger hold it up, and the whole mass would fall to the ground. by a fundamental law of this realm, neitherthe king, nor either of his two eldest sons, are permitted to leave the island;nor the queen, till she is past child- bearing.

glubbdubdrib, and japan.chapter iv. the author leaves laputa; is conveyed tobalnibarbi; arrives at the metropolis. a description of the metropolis, and thecountry adjoining. the author hospitably received by a greatlord. his conversation with that lord. although i cannot say that i was illtreated in this island, yet i must confess i thought myself too much neglected, notwithout some degree of contempt; for neither prince nor people appeared to be curious in any part of knowledge, exceptmathematics and music, wherein i was far

their inferior, and upon that account verylittle regarded. on the other side, after having seen allthe curiosities of the island, i was very desirous to leave it, being heartily wearyof those people. they were indeed excellent in two sciencesfor which i have great esteem, and wherein i am not unversed; but, at the same time,so abstracted and involved in speculation, that i never met with such disagreeablecompanions. i conversed only with women, tradesmen,flappers, and court-pages, during two months of my abode there; by which, atlast, i rendered myself extremely contemptible; yet these were the only

people from whom i could ever receive areasonable answer. i had obtained, by hard study, a gooddegree of knowledge in their language: i was weary of being confined to an islandwhere i received so little countenance, and resolved to leave it with the firstopportunity. there was a great lord at court, nearlyrelated to the king, and for that reason alone used with respect. he was universally reckoned the mostignorant and stupid person among them. he had performed many eminent services forthe crown, had great natural and acquired parts, adorned with integrity and honour;but so ill an ear for music, that his

detractors reported, "he had been often known to beat time in the wrong place;"neither could his tutors, without extreme difficulty, teach him to demonstrate themost easy proposition in the mathematics. he was pleased to show me many marks offavour, often did me the honour of a visit, desired to be informed in the affairs ofeurope, the laws and customs, the manners and learning of the several countries wherei had travelled. he listened to me with great attention, andmade very wise observations on all i spoke. he had two flappers attending him forstate, but never made use of them, except at court and in visits of ceremony, andwould always command them to withdraw, when

we were alone together. i entreated this illustrious person, tointercede in my behalf with his majesty, for leave to depart; which he accordinglydid, as he was pleased to tell me, with regret: for indeed he had made me several offers very advantageous, which, however,i refused, with expressions of the highest acknowledgment.on the 16th of february i took leave of his majesty and the court. the king made me a present to the value ofabout two hundred pounds english, and my protector, his kinsman, as much more,together with a letter of recommendation to

a friend of his in lagado, the metropolis. the island being then hovering over amountain about two miles from it, i was let down from the lowest gallery, in the samemanner as i had been taken up. the continent, as far as it is subject tothe monarch of the flying island, passes under the general name of balnibarbi; andthe metropolis, as i said before, is called lagado. i felt some little satisfaction in findingmyself on firm ground. i walked to the city without any concern,being clad like one of the natives, and sufficiently instructed to converse withthem.

i soon found out the person's house to whomi was recommended, presented my letter from his friend the grandee in the island, andwas received with much kindness. this great lord, whose name was munodi,ordered me an apartment in his own house, where i continued during my stay, and wasentertained in a most hospitable manner. the next morning after my arrival, he tookme in his chariot to see the town, which is about half the bigness of london; but thehouses very strangely built, and most of them out of repair. the people in the streets walked fast,looked wild, their eyes fixed, and were generally in rags.

we passed through one of the town gates,and went about three miles into the country, where i saw many labourers workingwith several sorts of tools in the ground, but was not able to conjecture what they were about: neither did observe anyexpectation either of corn or grass, although the soil appeared to be excellent. i could not forbear admiring at these oddappearances, both in town and country; and i made bold to desire my conductor, that hewould be pleased to explain to me, what could be meant by so many busy heads, hands, and faces, both in the streets andthe fields, because i did not discover any

good effects they produced; but, on thecontrary, i never knew a soil so unhappily cultivated, houses so ill contrived and so ruinous, or a people whose countenances andhabit expressed so much misery and want. this lord munodi was a person of the firstrank, and had been some years governor of lagado; but, by a cabal of ministers, wasdischarged for insufficiency. however, the king treated him withtenderness, as a well-meaning man, but of a low contemptible understanding. when i gave that free censure of thecountry and its inhabitants, he made no further answer than by telling me, "that ihad not been long enough among them to form

a judgment; and that the different nations of the world had different customs;" withother common topics to the same purpose. but, when we returned to his palace, heasked me "how i liked the building, what absurdities i observed, and what quarrel ihad with the dress or looks of his domestics?" this he might safely do; because every thing about him wasmagnificent, regular, and polite. i answered, "that his excellency'sprudence, quality, and fortune, had exempted him from those defects, whichfolly and beggary had produced in others." he said, "if i would go with him to his

country-house, about twenty miles distant,where his estate lay, there would be more leisure for this kind of conversation." itold his excellency "that i was entirely at his disposal;" and accordingly we set outnext morning. during our journey he made me observe theseveral methods used by farmers in managing their lands, which to me were whollyunaccountable; for, except in some very few places, i could not discover one ear ofcorn or blade of grass. but, in three hours travelling, the scenewas wholly altered; we came into a most beautiful country; farmers' houses, atsmall distances, neatly built; the fields enclosed, containing vineyards, corn-grounds, and meadows.

neither do i remember to have seen a moredelightful prospect. his excellency observed my countenance toclear up; he told me, with a sigh, "that there his estate began, and would continuethe same, till we should come to his house: that his countrymen ridiculed and despised him, for managing his affairs no better,and for setting so ill an example to the kingdom; which, however, was followed byvery few, such as were old, and wilful, and weak like himself." we came at length to the house, which was indeed a noblestructure, built according to the best rules of ancient architecture.

the fountains, gardens, walks, avenues, andgroves, were all disposed with exact judgment and taste. i gave due praises to every thing i saw,whereof his excellency took not the least notice till after supper; when, there beingno third companion, he told me with a very melancholy air "that he doubted he must throw down his houses in town and country,to rebuild them after the present mode; destroy all his plantations, and castothers into such a form as modern usage required, and give the same directions to all his tenants, unless he would submit toincur the censure of pride, singularity,

affectation, ignorance, caprice, andperhaps increase his majesty's displeasure; that the admiration i appeared to be under would cease or diminish, when he hadinformed me of some particulars which, probably, i never heard of at court, thepeople there being too much taken up in their own speculations, to have regard to what passed here below." the sum of hisdiscourse was to this effect: "that about forty years ago, certain persons went up tolaputa, either upon business or diversion, and, after five months continuance, came back with a very little smattering inmathematics, but full of volatile spirits

acquired in that airy region: that thesepersons, upon their return, began to dislike the management of every thing below, and fell into schemes of putting allarts, sciences, languages, and mechanics, upon a new foot. to this end, they procured a royal patentfor erecting an academy of projectors in lagado; and the humour prevailed sostrongly among the people, that there is not a town of any consequence in thekingdom without such an academy. in these colleges the professors contrivenew rules and methods of agriculture and building, and new instruments, and toolsfor all trades and manufactures; whereby,

as they undertake, one man shall do the work of ten; a palace may be built in aweek, of materials so durable as to last for ever without repairing. all the fruits of the earth shall come tomaturity at whatever season we think fit to choose, and increase a hundred fold morethan they do at present; with innumerable other happy proposals. the only inconvenience is, that none ofthese projects are yet brought to perfection; and in the mean time, the wholecountry lies miserably waste, the houses in ruins, and the people without food orclothes.

by all which, instead of being discouraged,they are fifty times more violently bent upon prosecuting their schemes, drivenequally on by hope and despair: that as for himself, being not of an enterprising spirit, he was content to go on in the oldforms, to live in the houses his ancestors had built, and act as they did, in everypart of life, without innovation: that some few other persons of quality and gentry had done the same, but were looked on with aneye of contempt and ill-will, as enemies to art, ignorant, and ill common-wealth's men,preferring their own ease and sloth before the general improvement of their country."

his lordship added, "that he would not, byany further particulars, prevent the pleasure i should certainly take in viewingthe grand academy, whither he was resolved i should go." he only desired me to observe a ruined building, upon the side ofa mountain about three miles distant, of which he gave me this account: "that he hada very convenient mill within half a mile of his house, turned by a current from a large river, and sufficient for his ownfamily, as well as a great number of his tenants; that about seven years ago, a clubof those projectors came to him with proposals to destroy this mill, and build

another on the side of that mountain, onthe long ridge whereof a long canal must be cut, for a repository of water, to beconveyed up by pipes and engines to supply the mill, because the wind and air upon a height agitated the water, and thereby madeit fitter for motion, and because the water, descending down a declivity, wouldturn the mill with half the current of a river whose course is more upon a level." he said, "that being then not very wellwith the court, and pressed by many of his friends, he complied with the proposal; andafter employing a hundred men for two years, the work miscarried, the projectors

went off, laying the blame entirely uponhim, railing at him ever since, and putting others upon the same experiment, with equalassurance of success, as well as equal disappointment." in a few days we came back to town; and his excellency, consideringthe bad character he had in the academy, would not go with me himself, butrecommended me to a friend of his, to bear me company thither. my lord was pleased to represent me as agreat admirer of projects, and a person of much curiosity and easy belief; which,indeed, was not without truth; for i had myself been a sort of projector in myyounger days.

glubbdubdrib, and japan.chapter v. the author permitted to see the grandacademy of lagado. the academy largely described.the arts wherein the professors employ themselves. this academy is not an entire singlebuilding, but a continuation of several houses on both sides of a street, whichgrowing waste, was purchased and applied to that use. i was received very kindly by the warden,and went for many days to the academy. every room has in it one or moreprojectors; and i believe i could not be in

fewer than five hundred rooms. the first man i saw was of a meagre aspect,with sooty hands and face, his hair and beard long, ragged, and singed in severalplaces. his clothes, shirt, and skin, were all ofthe same colour. he has been eight years upon a project forextracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermeticallysealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers. he told me, he did not doubt, that, ineight years more, he should be able to supply the governor's gardens withsunshine, at a reasonable rate: but he

complained that his stock was low, and entreated me "to give him something as anencouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season forcucumbers." i made him a small present, for my lord had furnished me with money on purpose, because he knew their practice ofbegging from all who go to see them. i went into another chamber, but was readyto hasten back, being almost overcome with a horrible stink. my conductor pressed me forward, conjuringme in a whisper "to give no offence, which would be highly resented;" and therefore idurst not so much as stop my nose.

the projector of this cell was the mostancient student of the academy; his face and beard were of a pale yellow; his handsand clothes daubed over with filth. when i was presented to him, he gave me aclose embrace, a compliment i could well have excused. his employment, from his first coming intothe academy, was an operation to reduce human excrement to its original food, byseparating the several parts, removing the tincture which it receives from the gall, making the odour exhale, and scumming offthe saliva. he had a weekly allowance, from thesociety, of a vessel filled with human

ordure, about the bigness of a bristolbarrel. i saw another at work to calcine ice intogunpowder; who likewise showed me a treatise he had written concerning themalleability of fire, which he intended to publish. there was a most ingenious architect, whohad contrived a new method for building houses, by beginning at the roof, andworking downward to the foundation; which he justified to me, by the like practice of those two prudent insects, the bee and thespider. there was a man born blind, who had severalapprentices in his own condition: their

employment was to mix colours for painters,which their master taught them to distinguish by feeling and smelling. it was indeed my misfortune to find them atthat time not very perfect in their lessons, and the professor himself happenedto be generally mistaken. this artist is much encouraged and esteemedby the whole fraternity. in another apartment i was highly pleasedwith a projector who had found a device of ploughing the ground with hogs, to save thecharges of ploughs, cattle, and labour. the method is this: in an acre of groundyou bury, at six inches distance and eight deep, a quantity of acorns, dates,chestnuts, and other mast or vegetables,

whereof these animals are fondest; then you drive six hundred or more of them into thefield, where, in a few days, they will root up the whole ground in search of theirfood, and make it fit for sowing, at the same time manuring it with their dung: it is true, upon experiment, they found thecharge and trouble very great, and they had little or no crop. however it is not doubted, that thisinvention may be capable of great improvement. i went into another room, where the wallsand ceiling were all hung round with

cobwebs, except a narrow passage for theartist to go in and out. at my entrance, he called aloud to me, "notto disturb his webs." he lamented "the fatal mistake the world had been so longin, of using silkworms, while we had such plenty of domestic insects who infinitely excelled the former, because theyunderstood how to weave, as well as spin." and he proposed further, "that by employingspiders, the charge of dyeing silks should be wholly saved;" whereof i was fully convinced, when he showed me a vast numberof flies most beautifully coloured, wherewith he fed his spiders, assuring us"that the webs would take a tincture from

them; and as he had them of all hues, he hoped to fit everybody's fancy, as soon ashe could find proper food for the flies, of certain gums, oils, and other glutinousmatter, to give a strength and consistence to the threads." there was an astronomer, who had undertaken to place a sun-dial uponthe great weathercock on the town-house, by adjusting the annual and diurnal motions ofthe earth and sun, so as to answer and coincide with all accidental turnings ofthe wind. i was complaining of a small fit of thecolic, upon which my conductor led me into a room where a great physician resided, whowas famous for curing that disease, by

contrary operations from the sameinstrument. he had a large pair of bellows, with a longslender muzzle of ivory: this he conveyed eight inches up the anus, and drawing inthe wind, he affirmed he could make the guts as lank as a dried bladder. but when the disease was more stubborn andviolent, he let in the muzzle while the bellows were full of wind, which hedischarged into the body of the patient; then withdrew the instrument to replenish it, clapping his thumb strongly against theorifice of then fundament; and this being repeated three or four times, theadventitious wind would rush out, bringing

the noxious along with it, (like water putinto a pump), and the patient recovered. i saw him try both experiments upon a dog,but could not discern any effect from the former. after the latter the animal was ready toburst, and made so violent a discharge as was very offensive to me and my companion. the dog died on the spot, and we left thedoctor endeavouring to recover him, by the same operation. i visited many other apartments, but shallnot trouble my reader with all the curiosities i observed, being studious ofbrevity.

i had hitherto seen only one side of theacademy, the other being appropriated to the advancers of speculative learning, ofwhom i shall say something, when i have mentioned one illustrious person more, who is called among them "the universalartist." he told us "he had been thirty years employing his thoughts for theimprovement of human life." he had two large rooms full of wonderful curiosities,and fifty men at work. some were condensing air into a drytangible substance, by extracting the nitre, and letting the aqueous or fluidparticles percolate; others softening marble, for pillows and pin-cushions;

others petrifying the hoofs of a livinghorse, to preserve them from foundering. the artist himself was at that time busyupon two great designs; the first, to sow land with chaff, wherein he affirmed thetrue seminal virtue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several experiments, whichi was not skilful enough to comprehend. the other was, by a certain composition ofgums, minerals, and vegetables, outwardly applied, to prevent the growth of wool upontwo young lambs; and he hoped, in a reasonable time to propagate the breed ofnaked sheep, all over the kingdom. we crossed a walk to the other part of theacademy, where, as i have already said, the projectors in speculative learning resided.

the first professor i saw, was in a verylarge room, with forty pupils about him. after salutation, observing me to lookearnestly upon a frame, which took up the greatest part of both the length andbreadth of the room, he said, "perhaps i might wonder to see him employed in a project for improving speculativeknowledge, by practical and mechanical operations. but the world would soon be sensible of itsusefulness; and he flattered himself, that a more noble, exalted thought never sprangin any other man's head. every one knew how laborious the usualmethod is of attaining to arts and

sciences; whereas, by his contrivance, themost ignorant person, at a reasonable charge, and with a little bodily labour, might write books in philosophy, poetry,politics, laws, mathematics, and theology, without the least assistance from genius orstudy." he then led me to the frame, about the sides, whereof all his pupils stood inranks. it was twenty feet square, placed in themiddle of the room. the superfices was composed of several bitsof wood, about the bigness of a die, but some larger than others.they were all linked together by slender wires.

these bits of wood were covered, on everysquare, with paper pasted on them; and on these papers were written all the words oftheir language, in their several moods, tenses, and declensions; but without anyorder. the professor then desired me "to observe;for he was going to set his engine at work." the pupils, at his command, tookeach of them hold of an iron handle, whereof there were forty fixed round the edges of the frame; and giving them asudden turn, the whole disposition of the words was entirely changed. he then commanded six-and-thirty of thelads, to read the several lines softly, as

they appeared upon the frame; and wherethey found three or four words together that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to the four remaining boys, whowere scribes. this work was repeated three or four times,and at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words shifted into newplaces, as the square bits of wood moved upside down. [picture: the frame] six hours a day theyoung students were employed in this labour; and the professor showed me severalvolumes in large folio, already collected, of broken sentences, which he intended to

piece together, and out of those richmaterials, to give the world a complete body of all arts and sciences; which,however, might be still improved, and much expedited, if the public would raise a fund for making and employing five hundred suchframes in lagado, and oblige the managers to contribute in common their severalcollections. he assured me "that this invention hademployed all his thoughts from his youth; that he had emptied the whole vocabularyinto his frame, and made the strictest computation of the general proportion there is in books between the numbers ofparticles, nouns, and verbs, and other

parts of speech." i made my humblestacknowledgment to this illustrious person, for his great communicativeness; and promised, "if ever i had the good fortuneto return to my native country, that i would do him justice, as the sole inventorof this wonderful machine;" the form and contrivance of which i desired leave to delineate on paper, as in the figure hereannexed. i told him, "although it were the custom ofour learned in europe to steal inventions from each other, who had thereby at leastthis advantage, that it became a controversy which was the right owner; yet

i would take such caution, that he shouldhave the honour entire, without a rival." we next went to the school of languages,where three professors sat in consultation upon improving that of their own country. the first project was, to shortendiscourse, by cutting polysyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and participles,because, in reality, all things imaginable are but norms. the other project was, a scheme forentirely abolishing all words whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage inpoint of health, as well as brevity. for it is plain, that every word we speakis, in some degree, a diminution of our

lunge by corrosion, and, consequently,contributes to the shortening of our lives. an expedient was therefore offered, "thatsince words are only names for things, it would be more convenient for all men tocarry about them such things as were necessary to express a particular business they are to discourse on." and thisinvention would certainly have taken place, to the great ease as well as health of thesubject, if the women, in conjunction with the vulgar and illiterate, had not threatened to raise a rebellion unless theymight be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after the manner of theirforefathers; such constant irreconcilable

enemies to science are the common people. however, many of the most learned and wiseadhere to the new scheme of expressing themselves by things; which has only thisinconvenience attending it, that if a man's business be very great, and of various kinds, he must be obliged, in proportion,to carry a greater bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford one or twostrong servants to attend him. i have often beheld two of those sagesalmost sinking under the weight of their packs, like pedlars among us, who, whenthey met in the street, would lay down their loads, open their sacks, and hold

conversation for an hour together; then putup their implements, help each other to resume their burdens, and take their leave. but for short conversations, a man maycarry implements in his pockets, and under his arms, enough to supply him; and in hishouse, he cannot be at a loss. therefore the room where company meet whopractise this art, is full of all things, ready at hand, requisite to furnish matterfor this kind of artificial converse. another great advantage proposed by thisinvention was, that it would serve as a universal language, to be understood in allcivilised nations, whose goods and utensils are generally of the same kind, or nearly

resembling, so that their uses might easilybe comprehended. and thus ambassadors would be qualified totreat with foreign princes, or ministers of state, to whose tongues they were utterstrangers. i was at the mathematical school, where themaster taught his pupils after a method scarce imaginable to us in europe. the proposition, and demonstration, werefairly written on a thin wafer, with ink composed of a cephalic tincture. this, the student was to swallow upon afasting stomach, and for three days following, eat nothing but bread and water.

as the wafer digested, the tincture mountedto his brain, bearing the proposition along with it. but the success has not hitherto beenanswerable, partly by some error in the quantum or composition, and partly by theperverseness of lads, to whom this bolus is so nauseous, that they generally steal aside, and discharge it upwards, before itcan operate; neither have they been yet persuaded to use so long an abstinence, asthe prescription requires. glubbdubdrib, and japan.chapter vi. a further account of the academy.the author proposes some improvements,

which are honourably received. in the school of political projectors, iwas but ill entertained; the professors appearing, in my judgment, wholly out oftheir senses, which is a scene that never fails to make me melancholy. these unhappy people were proposing schemesfor persuading monarchs to choose favourites upon the score of their wisdom,capacity, and virtue; of teaching ministers to consult the public good; of rewarding merit, great abilities, eminent services;of instructing princes to know their true interest, by placing it on the samefoundation with that of their people; of

choosing for employments persons qualified to exercise them, with many other wild,impossible chimeras, that never entered before into the heart of man to conceive;and confirmed in me the old observation, "that there is nothing so extravagant and irrational, which some philosophers havenot maintained for truth." but, however, i shall so far do justice to this part of theacademy, as to acknowledge that all of them were not so visionary. there was a most ingenious doctor, whoseemed to be perfectly versed in the whole nature and system of government.

this illustrious person had very usefullyemployed his studies, in finding out effectual remedies for all diseases andcorruptions to which the several kinds of public administration are subject, by the vices or infirmities of those who govern,as well as by the licentiousness of those who are to obey. for instance: whereas all writers andreasoners have agreed, that there is a strict universal resemblance between thenatural and the political body; can there be any thing more evident, than that the health of both must be preserved, and thediseases cured, by the same prescriptions?

it is allowed, that senates and greatcouncils are often troubled with redundant, ebullient, and other peccant humours; withmany diseases of the head, and more of the heart; with strong convulsions, with grievous contractions of the nerves andsinews in both hands, but especially the right; with spleen, flatus, vertigos, anddeliriums; with scrofulous tumours, full of fetid purulent matter; with sour frothy ructations: with canine appetites, andcrudeness of digestion, besides many others, needless to mention. this doctor therefore proposed, "that uponthe meeting of the senate, certain

physicians should attend it the three firstdays of their sitting, and at the close of each day's debate feel the pulses of every senator; after which, having maturelyconsidered and consulted upon the nature of the several maladies, and the methods ofcure, they should on the fourth day return to the senate house, attended by their apothecaries stored with proper medicines;and before the members sat, administer to each of them lenitives, aperitives,abstersives, corrosives, restringents, palliatives, laxatives, cephalalgics, icterics, apophlegmatics, acoustics, astheir several cases required; and,

according as these medicines shouldoperate, repeat, alter, or omit them, at the next meeting." this project could not be of any great expense to the public; andmight in my poor opinion, be of much use for the despatch of business, in thosecountries where senates have any share in the legislative power; beget unanimity, shorten debates, open a few mouths whichare now closed, and close many more which are now open; curb the petulancy of theyoung, and correct the positiveness of the old; rouse the stupid, and damp the pert. again: because it is a general complaint,that the favourites of princes are troubled

with short and weak memories; the samedoctor proposed, "that whoever attended a first minister, after having told his business, with the utmost brevity and inthe plainest words, should, at his departure, give the said minister a tweakby the nose, or a kick in the belly, or tread on his corns, or lug him thrice by both ears, or run a pin into his breech; orpinch his arm black and blue, to prevent forgetfulness; and at every levee day,repeat the same operation, till the business were done, or absolutely refused." he likewise directed, "that every senatorin the great council of a nation, after he

had delivered his opinion, and argued inthe defence of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary; because if that were done, the result would infalliblyterminate in the good of the public." when parties in a state are violent, he offereda wonderful contrivance to reconcile them. the method is this: you take a hundredleaders of each party; you dispose them into couples of such whose heads arenearest of a size; then let two nice operators saw off the occiput of each couple at the same time, in such a mannerthat the brain may be equally divided. let the occiputs, thus cut off, beinterchanged, applying each to the head of

his opposite party-man. it seems indeed to be a work that requiressome exactness, but the professor assured us, "that if it were dexterously performed,the cure would be infallible." for he argued thus: "that the two half brains being left to debate the matter betweenthemselves within the space of one skull, would soon come to a good understanding,and produce that moderation, as well as regularity of thinking, so much to be wished for in the heads of those, whoimagine they come into the world only to watch and govern its motion: and as to thedifference of brains, in quantity or

quality, among those who are directors in faction, the doctor assured us, from hisown knowledge, that "it was a perfect trifle." i heard a very warm debate betweentwo professors, about the most commodious and effectual ways and means of raisingmoney, without grieving the subject. the first affirmed, "the justest methodwould be, to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly; and the sum fixed upon every manto be rated, after the fairest manner, by a jury of his neighbours." the second was of an opinion directly contrary; "to tax thosequalities of body and mind, for which men chiefly value themselves; the rate to bemore or less, according to the degrees of

excelling; the decision whereof should be left entirely to their own breast." thehighest tax was upon men who are the greatest favourites of the other sex, andthe assessments, according to the number and nature of the favours they have received; for which, they are allowed to betheir own vouchers. wit, valour, and politeness, were likewiseproposed to be largely taxed, and collected in the same manner, by every person'sgiving his own word for the quantum of what he possessed. but as to honour, justice, wisdom, andlearning, they should not be taxed at all;

because they are qualifications of sosingular a kind, that no man will either allow them in his neighbour or value themin himself. the women were proposed to be taxedaccording to their beauty and skill in dressing, wherein they had the sameprivilege with the men, to be determined by their own judgment. but constancy, chastity, good sense, andgood nature, were not rated, because they would not bear the charge of collecting. to keep senators in the interest of thecrown, it was proposed that the members should raffle for employment; every manfirst taking an oath, and giving security,

that he would vote for the court, whether he won or not; after which, the losers had,in their turn, the liberty of raffling upon the next vacancy. thus, hope and expectation would be keptalive; none would complain of broken promises, but impute their disappointmentswholly to fortune, whose shoulders are broader and stronger than those of aministry. another professor showed me a large paperof instructions for discovering plots and conspiracies against the government. he advised great statesmen to examine intothe diet of all suspected persons; their

times of eating; upon which side they layin bed; with which hand they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, theodour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form ajudgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are atstool, which he found by frequent experiment; for, in such conjunctures, whenhe used, merely as a trial, to consider which was the best way of murdering the king, his ordure would have a tincture ofgreen; but quite different, when he thought

only of raising an insurrection, or burningthe metropolis. the whole discourse was written with greatacuteness, containing many observations, both curious and useful for politicians;but, as i conceived, not altogether complete. this i ventured to tell the author, andoffered, if he pleased, to supply him with some additions. he received my proposition with morecompliance than is usual among writers, especially those of the projecting species,professing "he would be glad to receive further information." i told him, "that in

the kingdom of tribnia, by the nativescalled langdon, where i had sojourned some time in my travels, the bulk of the peopleconsist in a manner wholly of discoverers, witnesses, informers, accusers, prosecutors, evidences, swearers, togetherwith their several subservient and subaltern instruments, all under thecolours, the conduct, and the pay of ministers of state, and their deputies. the plots, in that kingdom, are usually theworkmanship of those persons who desire to raise their own characters of profoundpoliticians; to restore new vigour to a crazy administration; to stifle or divert

general discontents; to fill their cofferswith forfeitures; and raise, or sink the opinion of public credit, as either shallbest answer their private advantage. it is first agreed and settled among them,what suspected persons shall be accused of a plot; then, effectual care is taken tosecure all their letters and papers, and put the owners in chains. these papers are delivered to a set ofartists, very dexterous in finding out the mysterious meanings of words, syllables,and letters: for instance, they can discover a close stool, to signify a privy council; a flock of geese, a senate; a lamedog, an invader; the plague, a standing

army; a buzzard, a prime minister; thegout, a high priest; a gibbet, a secretary of state; a chamber pot, a committee of grandees; a sieve, a court lady; a broom,a revolution; a mouse-trap, an employment; a bottomless pit, a treasury; a sink, acourt; a cap and bells, a favourite; a broken reed, a court of justice; an empty tun, a general; a running sore, theadministration. "when this method fails, they have twoothers more effectual, which the learned among them call acrostics and anagrams. first, they can decipher all initialletters into political meanings.

thus n, shall signify a plot; b, a regimentof horse; l, a fleet at sea; or, secondly, by transposing the letters of the alphabetin any suspected paper, they can lay open the deepest designs of a discontentedparty. so, for example, if i should say, in aletter to a friend, 'our brother tom has just got the piles,' a skilful deciphererwould discover, that the same letters which compose that sentence, may be analysed into the following words, 'resist ---, a plot isbrought home-the tour.' and this is the anagrammatic method." the professor made megreat acknowledgments for communicating these observations, and promised to makehonourable mention of me in his treatise.

i saw nothing in this country that couldinvite me to a longer continuance, and began to think of returning home toengland.

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