badezimmer rot schwarz
i used to have this recurring dream where i'd walk into a roomful of people, and i'd try not to makeeye contact with anyone. until someone notices me, and i just panic. and the person walks up to me, and says, "hi, my name is so-and-so. and what is your name?" and i'm just quiet, unable to respond.
after some awkward silence, he goes, "have you forgotten your name?" and i'm still quiet. and then, slowly, all the other peoplein the room begin to turn toward me and ask, almost in unison, (voice-over, several voices)"have you forgotten your name?" as the chant gets louder,i want to respond, but i don't. i'm a visual artist. some of my work is humorous,
and some is a bit funny but in a sad way. and one thing that i really enjoy doing is making these little animations where i get to do the voice-overfor all kinds of characters. i've been a bear. (video) bear (safwat saleem's voice): hi. (laughter) safwat saleem: i've been a whale. (video) whale (ss's voice): hi.
ss: i've been a greeting card. (video) greeting card (ss's voice): hi. ss: and my personal favoriteis frankenstein's monster. (video) frankenstein's monster(ss's voice): (grunts) ss: i just had to grunta lot for that one. a few years ago,i made this educational video about the history of video games. and for that one, i got to dothe voice of space invader. (video) space invader (ss's voice): hi.
ss: a dream come true, really, and when that video was posted online, i just sat there on the computer,hitting "refresh," excited to see the response. the first comment comes in. (video) comment: great job. ss: yes! i hit "refresh." (video) comment: excellent video.i look forward to the next one.
ss: this was just the firstof a two-part video. i was going to workon the second one next. (video) comment: where is part two?whereeeee? i need it nowwwww!: p ss: people other than my momwere saying nice things about me, on the internet! it felt like i had finally arrived. (video) comment: his voiceis annoying. no offense. ss: ok, no offense taken. refresh. (video) comment: could you remake thiswithout peanut butter in your mouth?
ss: ok, at least the feedbackis somewhat constructive. hit "refresh." (video) comment: please don't usethis narrator again u can barely understand him. ss: refresh. (video) comment: couldn't followbecause of the indian accent. ss: ok, ok, ok, two things. number one, i don't have an indian accent, i have a pakistani accent, ok? and number two, i clearlyhave a pakistani accent.
but comments like that kept coming in, so i figured i should just ignore them and start workingon the second part of the video. i recorded my audio, but every time i sat down to edit, i just could not do it. every single time, it would take meback to my childhood, when i had a much harder time speaking. i've stuttered for as longas i can remember.
i was the kid in class who would never raise his handwhen he had a question -- or knew the answer. every time the phone rang, i would run to the bathroomso i would not have to answer it. if it was for me, my parentswould say i'm not around. i spent a lot of time in the bathroom. and i hated introducing myself, especially in groups.
i'd always stutter on my name,and there was usually someone who'd go, and then everybody would laugh. that joke never got old. i spent my childhoodfeeling that if i spoke, it would become obviousthat there was something wrong with me, that i was not normal. so i mostly stayed quiet. and so you see, eventually for me to evenbe able to use my voice in my work was a huge step for me.
every time i record audio, i fumble my way through sayingeach sentence many, many times, and then i go back in and pick the oneswhere i think i suck the least. (voice-over) ss: audio editingis like photoshop for your voice. i can slow it down, speed it up,make it deeper, add an echo. and if i stutter along the way,and if i stutter along the way, i just go back in and fix it. it's magic.
ss: using my highly editedvoice in my work was a way for meto finally sound normal to myself. but after the comments on the video, it no longer made me feel normal. and so i stoppedusing my voice in my work. since then, i've thought a lotabout what it means to be normal. and i've come to understand that "normal" has a lot to dowith expectations. let me give you an example.
i came across this story about the ancient greek writer, homer. now, homer mentionsvery few colors in his writing. and even when he does, he seems to get them quite a bit wrong. for example, the seais described as wine red, people's faces are sometimes greenand sheep are purple. but it's not just homer. if you look at allof the ancient literature --
ancient chinese, icelandic, greek, indian and even the original hebrew bible -- they all mention very few colors. and the most popular theoryfor why that might be the case is that cultures beginto recognize a color only once they have the abilityto make that color. so basically, if you can make a color, only then can you see it. a color like red, which was fairly easyfor many cultures to make --
they began to see that colorfairly early on. but a color like blue,which was much harder to make -- many cultures didn't begin to learnhow to make that color until much later. they didn't begin to see ituntil much later as well. so until then, even thougha color might be all around them, they simply did not havethe ability to see it. it was invisible. it was not a part of their normal.
and that story has helpedput my own experience into context. so when i first readthe comments on the video, my initial reaction was to take itall very personally. but the people commenting did not know how self-conscious i am about my voice. they were mostly reacting to my accent, that it is not normalfor a narrator to have an accent. but what is normal, anyway? we know that reviewers will findmore spelling errors in your writing
if they think you're black. we know that professors are less likelyto help female or minority students. and we know that resumeswith white-sounding names get more callbacks than resumeswith black-sounding names. why is that? because of our expectationsof what is normal. we think it is normal when a black student has spelling errors. when a female or minority studentdoes not succeed.
and we think it is normal that a white employeeis a better hire than a black employee. but studies also showthat discrimination of this kind, in most cases, is simply favoritism, and it results more from wantingto help people that you can relate to than the desire to harm peoplethat you can't relate to. and not relating to peoplestarts at a very early age. one library that keeps track of characters in the children's bookcollection every year,
found that in 2014,only about 11 percent of the books had a character of color. and just the year before,that number was about eight percent, even though half of american childrentoday come from a minority background. half. so there are two big issues here. number one, children are toldthat they can be anything, they can do anything, and yet, most storiesthat children of color consume
are about people who are not like them. number two is that majority groupsdon't get to realize the great extent to whichthey are similar to minorities -- our everyday experiences, our hopes, our dreams, our fears and our mutual love for hummus. it's delicious! just like the color bluefor ancient greeks, minorities are not a partof what we consider normal,
because normal is simply a constructionof what we've been exposed to, and how visible it is around us. and this is where thingsget a bit difficult. i can accept the preexisting notionof normal -- that normal is good, and anything outside of that verynarrow definition of normal is bad. or i can challengethat preexisting notion of normal with my work and with my voice and with my accent
and by standing here onstage, even though i'm scared shitlessand would rather be in the bathroom. (applause) (video) sheep (ss's voice):i'm now slowly starting to use my voice in my work again. and it feels good. it does not mean i won't have a breakdown the next time a couple dozenpeople say that i talk (mumbling) like i have peanutbutter in my mouth.
ss: it just means i now havea much better understanding of what's at stake, and how giving up is not an option. the ancient greeks didn't just wake upone day and realize that the sky was blue. it took centuries, even, for humansto realize what we had been ignoring for so long. and so we must continuously challengeour notion of normal, because doing so is goingto allow us as a society
to finally see the sky for what it is. (video) characters: thank you. thank you.thank you. thank you. thank you. frankenstein's monster: (grunts) ss: thank you.