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pedophilia: understanding for better protection(machine translation) what is pedophilia? pedophilia, quite simply, is a sexual attraction,a fantasy, for the prepubescent body of a boy or girl. this excitement is not necessarily exclusive. excitement can be exclusive: i am only attractedto children, boys or girls. excitement can be preferential: i am especiallyattracted to children. excitement can be secondary: i am usually attracted to heterosexual or homosexual adults, but from time to timei am attracted to a child. what i can say is that there is no connectionbetween fantasy and child abuse.
these are two totally different issues. psychoanalysts talk about impulse. it's kind of an appetite. they need to come into contact with what children represent. instead of standing back and coming to see aherapist and saying,"look, i'm annoyed because when i see children, there's somethingthat comes up in me. it's hard to control, i need to talk toyou about it. very well sir or madam (women too),sit down and we'll try to symbolize this, instead of doing it. those who abuse children are very few innumber compared to all the people
who once had pedophile fantasies in their heads. you don't choose to be homosexual, heterosexual but you do choose to hurtsomeone who is fragile. we have to understand that the people who who are paedophiles, have the same social representationsas we do about paedophilia. that is, they themselves say to each other:i am a monster. why is pedophilia so scary? it's because we confusefantasies with deeds. it's because deep within each of us, thereare dark areas that participate in our fantasies.
these dark areas include very differentfantasies, including completely integrable elements, which turn into tenderness whenthey are well elaborated, but which are at the base bearers of a form of paedophilia. that's the etymology of the term. it goes back to that. so it's scary because it requires us to be aware of all this in ourselves, and it's not a job,an awareness, that everyone wants to do. the problem with pedophile fantasies isthat you don't know what to do with them. if i start having paedophile fantasies thatcould lead to aggression, in my adult consciousness, i have to sayto myself: it's not okay, what can i do? we're not responsible for our fantasies,we're responsible for what we do with them.
from the moment we have this kind of fantasy,we have to wonder what it means in our history, in our evolution. we must have the courage to take care of it. a fantasy, like an animal, is tame. human sexuality, for pedophiles and othersalike, is tamed. la pornographie juvã©nile est une forme d'exploitation des enfants. behind every picture there's a child victim, you have to know that. it's not just images. there are real children who are abused, in theirintimacy, and often in their physical integrity. he doesn't feel that he's doing any harmbecause he's not the one who's filming, he's not the one who's abusing this child.
moreover, the image does not show an abuse,it shows pleasure, because it is a staging. that is, whoever looks at these images imaginesthat the child is having fun? yeah, he's lying to himself, to get rid of his guilt. some people say: when i'm bored,when i'm alone, i need to take drugs with imagesof child pornography. because i'm anxious to be alone,i'm depressed, i'm frustrated... does that fill the void? yeah, it fills the void at first. then, like alcohol and drugs,it becomes a vicious circle.
every time you activate your funcircuits, you write in your memory that it's interesting and you have to go back. there is a potential compulsion phenomenon. if you activate reward circuits bymasturbating only in front of pornographic images, you will increase compulsion,you will increase addiction. if you're looking at child pornography,it's the same thing, you're going to develop some formof addiction to these images. could that incite an assault? yes, yes, absolutely. not everyone who watches these images is going to attack. but there will be more risks than witha person who doesn't look at these images.
it can reinforce fantasies. seeing these images makes it difficult for the personto tell the difference between reality and fiction. many child molesters watched child pornographya few hours before the assault. it means these imagesdidn't calm their impulses. on the other hand, looking at these imagescan foster the paedophile fantasy. if i have paedophile fantasiesand look at these images, it reinforces my fantasy,it reinforces my excitement. i have the opportunity to babysitmy seven-year-old neighbour. i've been drinking alcohol, i'm depressed. i'm abusing the child.
that's the danger. watching these images makes children suffer,or made children suffer. even if i just look at these images, i'm hurting children. — i am an accomplice of the aggressor.— yes, and i feed the market. — i create a request.— yes, and so i am an accomplice. some teenagers look for pornographythat shows young people their age. — it makes sense.— but it's illegal! initially, they are not pedophiles,they are not attracted to children, but to young people their age.
but the first image seen is so exciting,that they will look for years to find it again this first time.but they'll never find it. 1 agresseur sur 4 a moins de 18 ans. can a teenager play to introducea child to sex? no, it's not a game. two consenting children of the same age can learn together. but it's not possiblewith a teenager or an adult. it's perverse to think you can do that. the fantasy of an adult who has a sexual relationshipwith a child is not the fantasy of a child. to imagine that a grown-up can havesexual intercourse with a child
to teach him or her isto justify the sexual abuse of children. there is a difference between those who are pubescentand those who are not. the desires are not the same. a child is traumatized when he sees the erectsex of a teenager with pubic hair. it's traumatic. he doesn't understand. the boy's sex is very small, and he is traumatized when he sees the sex of a big man. this is monstrous. what to do when you are a parent, and your teenagerhas had inappropriate gestures with a small child? we need to talk to the teenager, tell him/her what isforbidden and what is allowed, so that he/she knows how to live with his/her impulses without harm. we have to offer him help.
parents also need to questionthemselves, because if their child has done that, it's because something is wrong. something did not allow their child todevelop in the right way. sometimes teenage abusers will simplyrepeat something without thinking. they repeat something automatically,like a fatality. we need to send a message to teensand young adults who are attracted to children: they can, they must goand talk to a therapist about it, to become adults who have fantasiesbut will never harm children. the earlier we deal with the problem,the better the prognosis.
this is always true in medicine,especially in psychiatry. so, whenever there are paedophilefantasies, you have to deal with them. 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boyswill be abused before the age of 18. more than 90% of child sex offendersare relatives of their victims. abuse occurs in a relationshipbetween an adult and a child when the adult is unable to be an adult. we were friends. no, not friends! some say they were in love? yeah, some say they were in lovewith their victim. it is often said that pedophiles arepredators, filled with fantasies,
who hunt and kidnap street children. that is not true. it's extremely rare. and aggression arises in an emotional relationship, a relationship of trust between an adultand a child. some scientific studies, even ifthere may be methodological biases, say that 3% of women react positivelyto paedophile images. what about men? there are more of them. it's between 10% and 20%. pedophile women are still a big taboo. maybe one of the last taboos. women abuse mostly with touching,caressing and masturbation.
it's intrusive, even if there's no penetration. my patients tell me that they have been sexually assaultedby their mother, but they don't understand it. and when they understand that, they can't imaginegoing to press charges against their mother. it's very complicated for a childto go report a mother. it's very complicated for a child to reporta aunt, a cousin, a neighbour. it's already very complicated for the childto understand that he or she has been a victim, and in addition to saying: it's my own mother! we know that violenceis the root of violence. it is therefore logical that women,who are victims of so much violence,
should also become violent. we've always said that the bad guysare men. but that's not true. if women want equality, they must agreeto give up maternal power. they have to give up their image of a perfect mommyor a princess. it's gift-giving. sexual abuse begins before the age of 11for 1 in 2 victims and before the age of 6 for 1 in 5. can a look or words beconsidered sexual assault? that's an interesting question. the spoken words, the look, it is a penetration, but without gesture. it's intrusive. they didn't ask
for that, they don't want that. for the law, it's not an assault,but psychologically, it's abusive. what is abusive is sexuality shifted in termsof generation, in terms of timing. aggression begins when something is imposed on the sensualityof the other, which he has not asked for, and which he does not have to receive. children are unable to defend themselves? they don't have the defenses, they don't ask for that,they don't want that. if a child feels an adult's sexual desire,is there trauma? because the child doesn't havethe knowledge to understand that?
yes. but the child feelsit shouldn't happen. — that’s weird.— yes, it's weird. not necessarily the first time. sometimes it takes time. unfortunately, this sometimes gets worse with time, and the child becomesaware of what they are going through. once a relationship of trusthas been established? yes. the adult betrays the child's confidence. the child can seduce an adult, and that's normal. but it is the adult's response to this request foraffection, which is not adapted. the child needs affection, needs contact.is it important to touch a child? yes. some little girls want to seduce, sitting on an adult's lap,
but she is not looking for anything sexual. it can confuse an adult who sees it as a sexual request. he's crossing a border. the problem is not always the gesture,but above all the intention or feeling of the person who touches. there is an emotion, an excitement in this adult,who sexualizes a gesture. for the child, the person who should take care of himor her hurts him or her. so the child will confuse good and evil,everything blends together. he's lost his bearings. the adult makes him uncomfortable,when he should be taking care of his well-being. this is an abuse.
during a sexual assaultwithout physical pain, the child may experience pleasure. it's very confusing. the body can react,but feeling like it shouldn't happen. can there be mechanical stimulation? yes. the brain says it shouldn't happen. but the body reacts. it creates a lot of confusion in the child. do children have sexuality?desires? fantasies? of course, they're living beings! children have a nongenital sexuality, it's very different.
it is an immature, prepubescent, premenital sexuality,based on the sensory system. our body is sensitive to caressesfrom birth to death? yes, and the child masturbates, even very young. we've even seen ultrasound imagesof fetuses masturbating. mechanically, we can see little boys with erections. it's sexual in nature. in little girls too. the child will experience inner arousal,which is difficult to understand. he's gonna start exploring. but it is not sexuality, as in adults, with penetrations. it's something else. in children, these are other modalities.
sexuality is like a countryunknown to children. they suspect that this country existsbecause grown-ups do things they are not allowed to share. they wonder why they have to knockon the bedroom door before entering, or why the older sister is goingto hide with her boyfriend. they know that things are happening,but they don't have the knowledge to understand and participate. so they cannot be consenting, because you cannot consent to somethingyou do not understand. the child seeks physical contact,sensuality.
but it is up to the adult to set limits,and respond appropriately to the child's requestto discover the body of the other. it can be interpreted by a pedophileas a sexual request, but it's not that. the child seeks cuddles and tenderness from adults,and it is up to the adult to respond coherently and with limits. sometimes children say yes,sometimes children do not say no. it's a huge source of guilt for the victims. they say to themselves, "i didn't do anything to stop it,i could have said no, but i couldn't do it.
they feel guilt. but we know that it is extremely difficult for a child to say no to the proposalof a bigger one, and then the smaller ones trust the older ones, the children will naturally accept their proposals. it's easy to fascinate,to attract a vulnerable victim. it's very easy to abuse children. they are not able to spot what is goodfor them, what is right. some children have astonishing behavioursthat may seem provocative. often, these behaviours are interpretedby pedophiles as solicitations: they provoke me, they excite me.
these children don't want that,but adults are destabilized. when children have very sexual behavioursthat are not age-appropriate, they try to express anxiety. we must ask ourselves the question:have they been victims? some child victims express thisthrough sexualized behaviour, and often adults think it is provocation,and reject these children. you don't have to. on the contrary, you haveto worry, listen, try to talk with the child. about 90% of child victims of sexual abuseknow their abuser. incest is often vertical,from one generation to the next,
but there are also adelphic incest,horizontally, between brothers and sisters, between cousins and cousins,in the same generation. incest acts are very damaging. but there are people who have never suffered incestand who suffer the same suffering as people who have suffered incest. it is called a climate, an atmosphere of incest. they are people who lived every dayand for years, during their childhood, in an atmosphere of incest,but without sexual assault. the atmosphere of incest is whenthere is no door to the toilet or bathroom.
there is no privacy for the child. the adult does not respect the child's modesty,and that is close to incest. some families do notfunction properly, and create a climate of incest,which is unhealthy for children. for example, when parents kisstheir children on the mouth, sleep with their children, and wash with them. the separation between parentsand children is not very clear. the kiss on the mouth is the kissyou give to your lover. and children have lovers of their age,at school, and to those
they can kiss their mouths, but not to others. when children want to kiss their parentson the mouth, you have to tell them: no, you kiss your lovers on the mouth,not your parents. it allows the child to learnthe different types of love: sexual love, between parents,and love of parents with their children. it is important to respectthe privacy of children. normally, as children grow up,they don't want to be naked anymore. it is very important to respect this demand. you don't have to answer: it's okay,we've always seen each other naked,
i've already seen someone naked. no, we have to respect that request. in order to comply with this demand,we must hear it. children build their privacyin their families. it is in their families that childrengrow up and learn to protect themselves. it is in their families that childrenlearn to respect others. if the children's privacy is not respected,they will not be able to learn to protect themselves, they will be fragile in the face of an abuser. you mean that makes these kidsperfect targets? yes, first of all, because these childrenwill have the same mode of communication
as their child molester. then, because these children willnot really know where their child's place is, and what the adult's place is. it's dangerous to mixthe different generations. if there's no difference,you can do anything with everyone. what is the danger to children? tell the children: look, i am young,so you are doomed to never grow up. you can't overtake me,since i'm not getting old. we see this in teenage parents,
when the motherwears the same clothes as her daughter, when the father goes to partywith his son's friends. it's saying to the kids:look how young i am. if i stay young,you can never grow up. they're infantilized forever. women are afraid of aging, they are subjected to social pressure on their appearance. it's very heavy. there is also pressureon the very young girls, who are building themselves. they are very anxious,
they do not feel normal,they are afraid of being fat. they may have eating disorders,be depressed, feel ashamed. the woman's body has always been objectified. it has always beenand continues to be an object. we're trying to make things right. in the western world,women have the same rights as men. but there is always a problem with their image,all over the world. in some cultures,women's bodies are hidden. in our western culture, we show it.
we play with two oppositions: the prostitute womanand the innocent woman, still a child. they are always the same representations, the motherand the prostitute, always have been. on the one hand the pure, perfect,wonderful and sexual-free woman. it's the virgin. and on the other side, the whore. it's always like that. it's a problem that dates back to prehistory,and we haven't made much progress since then! certainly because of the endocrine disruptors, little girls get their first periodsooner and earlier. what to do, if not propel oneselfinto an imitation of maturity, which their mother appreciates by the way.
yeah, i feel like some mothers liketo make their little girls sexy. like it's not gonna come naturally. little girls want to grow up, try ontheir mommy's shoes, put makeup on, dress up in their mommy's clothes. that's perfectly normal. however, adults should not enterthis game and buy adult clothing or makeup for their children. that is very worrying. furthermore, it doesn't help us to workwith pedophiles, who have difficulty distinguishing between little girlsand women. there are two things: on the one hand, we eroticize childrenand on the other hand, we rejuvenate women.
in the end, the feminine ideal is no longer a woman,but rather a little girl who is not yet a teenager. our western society increases confusionby mixing adults and children on sexuality, especially in advertising. children who see all this,they are disturbed. children are eroticized by buyingand wearing sexy clothes. but there is another problem in our society,even more serious. children are allowed to seesexual images, which excite them and prevent them from pursuingtheir natural evolution. pornographic images are very attractive,because they are amazing, fascinating.
so rather than turn off the screen, the childrenwill stay in front of these images. these images will traumatize them,because they do not correspond to the stage of development that allows the childto digest these images. children can't afford to containthis excitement. and that's normal, they're children. from the moment we let them see these images,we ask them to defend themselves as best they can against this excitement. some children will defend themselvesby showing their excitement, by being very agitated. other children will protect themselvesfrom sexuality for fear of what they might feel.
it is very problematic. children are robbed of this very important periodcalled the latency period. — is it some kind of hibernation?— yes, it is a hibernation of sexuality. — at what age?— between 7 and 11 or 12 years old. this latency period allows childrento prepare mature sexuality. having a mature sexuality makes it possibleto differentiate one's desires, i.e. to accept that pleasure is not immediate,and that the other will not have the same desires, at the same time, and that i cannot imposemy own desires on the other. mature sexuality, that's right.
and if children don't access this,they will always be dissatisfied in their relationships, and some will seekpalliative measures, such as excessive use of pornography. others will have difficultybuilding a stable relationship and multiply relationships. exposing children to adult sexualitywill have a significant impact on their future sexuality. — this is a serious problem!— yes, it is problematic, that's for sure. should children be made aware of the risks of sexual abuse?
sex education ensures that childrendo not become victims. it would also be important to teach childrennot to become abusers. children know the parts of the body:the finger, chin, forehead, ear. children should also be taughtthe words for genitalia. because sometimes victims don't talk,because the children didn't know the right words to talk about the genitals,they only knew bad words. it is important for the child to be ableto speak without embarrassment. children should not be told thatsexuality is dirty or dangerous. sexuality and sexual assaultare two different things.
you have to react when someone makes you feel uncomfortable. you have to explain to the child, depending on his or her age, what that means. being uncomfortableis different from punishment. being uncomfortable is differentfrom punishment. frustration? asking a child to taste foodcan be unpleasant. but it doesn't make him uncomfortable. tell the children: if someone has something that makes you feel uncomfortable,you have to protest. and let's be clear:i can make you uncomfortable myself.
in saying that, i'm not putting myselfin the shoes of a sexual abuser, i'm just teaching childrenthat we can all do things that make others feel uncomfortable,despite ourselves. it'll help them all their lives. how do i identify a childwho has been sexually abused? any sudden change in behaviouror relationship must lead the adultto ask questions. but to be honest,there are no specific signs of sexual assault.
there are signsof discomfort in children, and adults should look for the cause. the real proof of sexual abuseis when the child tells someone. i'll show you how to interview a childwith simple questions. is someone bothering you?it's an easy question. it could be a bully, a father,a friend, a teacher. if the child does not respond,i look at the child's reactions. if he doesn't say no, i keep saying:does anyone bother you by touching you? do we touch you where you don't want to?under the clothes?
i'm watching how the child reacts. if he's uncomfortable, i keep tryingto find out if he's been a victim. at first, the questions are simpleand can talk about something else. there is not a single sign, there are signs. the child may have nightmares,poor sleep, unexplained fears, bad grades,urinary problems, stomach pains, headache. he won't go to his grandfather's house, won't want to go backto school. adolescents are most likelyto engage in risky behaviours
or difficulties with the body: bulimia, anorexia, running away,suicide attempts, scarification, prostitution... 1 victime sur 2 agressã©e dans l’enfance 1 in 2 victims of abusedduring childhood attempted suicide. what are the physical and psychologicalconsequences of sexual assault? for anatomical reasons,there is extremely painful sexual violence, which causesinjuries in children. children's bodies are not madeto fit things into their bodies, vaginas or anuses. some lesionsrequire surgery.
in children who have been violently abused, they will refuse to defecate,so that they will no longer be through the anus. sometimes they even need surgery. this is very serious. psychologically, it's a disaster. depending on the level of severity of the act, the body flies in shattering,with traumatic dissociations. there's no more access to sex,because every time there's excitement, it reactivates the trauma of aggression,so it's a nightmare. there are also serious personality disorders:emotional disorders,
identity disorders, the need to anaesthetize, and therefore risky behaviours. some victims will take risks:dress very sexy, get raped, or enjoy being mistreated,to repeat the violence. there are 5 to 10 times more suicidesand attempted suicide among these young adolescents and adults. there are 5 to 10 times more depressions,behavioural problems, eating disorders like anorexia. there is a need to removeall sexual characteristics. it's like being a ghost. this is a disaster.
if the child has been abused, he is no longer ableto become a complete human being, he becomes a ghost. it's a metaphor, but it's explicit. the cousin, or uncle, the neighbour,the teacher, the summer camp instructor, the parish priest, the father, the grandfatherthe grandmother? yes, or the summer camp instructoror schoolteacher... the parents say to their children:you can trust him/her, this adult is there to look after you. and these adults will wreak havoc on the trustthese children placed in them. their entire universe is fragmented,and it will be necessary to rebuild it.
it stays until adulthood. having suffered violence in childhoodcan result in the loss of up to 20 years' life expectancy if several typesof violence are associated. are sexual violence always accompaniedby aggression and physical violence? no. i think that's alsowhy children don't talk, because they have a hard timeunderstanding that it's an assault, especially at the beginning. it makes them uncomfortable, but the gesture is not necessarily violent or aggressive. initially, physical abuse rarely occurs. sexual assault will not be recognizedby the child as an assault.
often, moreover, the abuser will sayreassuring words: it's normal to do this;i love you; you are beautiful. the child is lost and does not know how to react. he doesn't know if it's an assault. — but it's an assault?— yes, of course, it is an assault, which can havetraumatic repercussions for a long time, sometimes decades after the fact. the first reaction isto try to forget. amnesia is for protection. but one day, a detail, an eventin life can reactivate this memory.
at that point, we realizethat there is a trauma that is not at allerased by amnesia. the body remembers everything. the body always records everything. by listening to the body, we will oftenbe able to regain memory. but in the consciousness,the event is forgotten. this mechanism of traumatic amnesiamainly affects children. the younger the child victim,the greater the risk of amnesia. one might think that this amnesiais a firewall, which allows the victimto continue living.
some abusers and parents of victimsthink the child will forget. assailants say that to justify their behavior,to get rid of guilt. some parents say this to reassure themselves,so that they can limit the guilt of not having been ableto protect their child effectively. the truth is that nothing fades away,everything changes. it is the recognition of victim statusthat is first and foremost essential, so that the child can learn what is right,what is wrong, simply wrong. this is extremely important. will all victims of sexual violence sufferany consequences in the future?
after-effects... sequelae, injury, scar... it depends on what they do with it, because they are responsible forwhat they do with it. depending on their decision,they may decide to complain all their lives and be very passive or react in a positive way, trying to understand, trying to elaborate, trying to overcome. and then it can become an enrichment, it can help them to have a satisfying life, and help other people afterwards. it's very open, it's very flexible, like the human being.
when an adult comes to abuse a childin his/her sexuality, it always leaves traces. if you have resilience abilities, i.e. the ability to cushion trauma,you can move forward. and then you're going to grow up with relives and symptoms that will disturb your sexuality as an adult, and you're going to be embarrassed. a bit like a thorn, a splinteror a stone in the shoe that prevents you from advancing correctly, harmoniously,in your own sexuality. when you have been sexually abused,you will experience difficulties
in your intimacy. we don't talk much about it, it's often something the victims keep quiet about. it is up to us, the health professionals,to help them talk about this harm. what to do when you have a suspicion,when you notice an adult who behaves strangely with a child?what should we do about it? it is important to react, not to act as if you have not seen or heard anything. if we know, we'll talk. what to do when you hesitate, when you're not sure? when you're not sure, some people don't dare to talk,
they think they have to investigate to find out the truth, rather than report it. it is terrible, because they are not trained to check the children's words. they simply have an obligation to warn us. then it is up to us to investigate,to look for the truth, to find out if it is true or false. if you wait for evidence, you're wasting time, endangering the child,and possibly other children. so when in doubt, do we report it? i always say: to report a childis to protect it already. what would i do,how would i react
if i saw a situation like that? if i didn't think about it in advance,i'd be amazed and i couldn't move. if i have ever asked myself the question, i would go to the teenager or adult and say: i think something is going on that is not right. if you want, we can talk together about what's going on, because i think you might hurt that child. you have to show empathy, and lay down a ban. but if i put one down right now,the other one will run away. you have to keep in touch with the person by making him or her feel
that you are touched, that you understand what is happening, but at the same time you can changethe situation. i believe that in order to free speech, we must first speak to the other person by making him or her feel that we are a human beinglike him or her, and that we are not a judge and that we do not have superiority, that we have all our frailties, that we have all our weaknesses: you're right, i almost did something serious, but fortunately you were there and the fact that we talked about it together makes me feel good.
we're humans, together. worldwide, 1 in 10 girls under the age of 18 has been raped, amounting to 120 million. the challenge, every time there is a child victim, is to help him or her, to avoid repeating the trauma, and allow him or her to appropriate his or her own sexuality as an adult. that's what's at stake for the child victim. for the adult who has been victimized him/herself, the challenge is to allow him/her to resume the path of his/her own sexuality in order to reclaim it. that's what care is all about. some people say: paedophile one day, pedophile always.
that is not true. i disagree because i have already met people who have changed their sexuality through therapeutic work. is there an age when it's too late to get rid of paedophile urges? the day after death! no, there is no expiration age for management. it's always time to get started. do not hesitate to consult, no matter what happens. i think it's very important for people to be able to say to themselves: there's someone who is a human being like me and who can help me get past this,
to prevent aggression,and to protect children. there is no shame in coming to see us, there is no judgment on our part. we are there with all our kindness, our empathy, to understand the difficulties of the human being. whatever they are. and this one is one, no more and no less. i think it's very importantto know that we therapists can be consulted as a general practitioner. that is to say that we come with a problem, it does not mean that we are going to start therapy or psychoanalysis for several years, but that we come
to talk about a problem, to free ourselves from it,to hear a benevolent speech. the problem is hypocrisy, silence and secrecy, which reign over pedophilia. the more we talk about it,the better the results, and the fewer victims. the more we hunt werewolves and witches, the less we can do. so, let's talk about it as much as possible, calmly and calmly, let's find answers, and we will have fewer and fewer problems. and the fewer children will be abused, traumatized, and the fewer adults will suffer.
the more informed people,the fewer victims. was that interesting? share this video with your loved ones!