wand streichen ideen grün
chapter xxxiv for some days after that evening mr.heathcliff shunned meeting us at meals; yet he would not consent formally to excludehareton and cathy. he had an aversion to yielding socompletely to his feelings, choosing rather to absent himself; and eating once intwenty-four hours seemed sufficient sustenance for him. one night, after the family were in bed, iheard him go downstairs, and out at the front door.i did not hear him re-enter, and in the morning i found he was still away.
we were in april then: the weather wassweet and warm, the grass as green as showers and sun could make it, and the twodwarf apple-trees near the southern wall in full bloom. after breakfast, catherine insisted on mybringing a chair and sitting with my work under the fir-trees at the end of thehouse; and she beguiled hareton, who had perfectly recovered from his accident, to dig and arrange her little garden, whichwas shifted to that corner by the influence of joseph's complaints. i was comfortably revelling in the springfragrance around, and the beautiful soft
blue overhead, when my young lady, who hadrun down near the gate to procure some primrose roots for a border, returned only half laden, and informed us that mr.heathcliff was coming in. 'and he spoke to me,' she added, with aperplexed countenance. 'what did he say?' asked hareton. 'he told me to begone as fast as i could,'she answered. 'but he looked so different from his usuallook that i stopped a moment to stare at him.' 'how?' he inquired.'why, almost bright and cheerful.
no, almost nothing--very much excited,and wild, and glad!' she replied. 'night-walking amuses him, then,' iremarked, affecting a careless manner: in reality as surprised as she was, andanxious to ascertain the truth of her statement; for to see the master lookingglad would not be an every-day spectacle. i framed an excuse to go in. heathcliff stood at the open door; he waspale, and he trembled: yet, certainly, he had a strange joyful glitter in his eyes,that altered the aspect of his whole face. 'will you have some breakfast?' i said.'you must be hungry, rambling about all
night!'i wanted to discover where he had been, but i did not like to ask directly. 'no, i'm not hungry,' he answered, avertinghis head, and speaking rather contemptuously, as if he guessed i wastrying to divine the occasion of his good humour. i felt perplexed: i didn't know whether itwere not a proper opportunity to offer a bit of admonition. 'i don't think it right to wander out ofdoors,' i observed, 'instead of being in bed: it is not wise, at any rate this moistseason.
i daresay you'll catch a bad cold or afever: you have something the matter with you now!' 'nothing but what i can bear,' he replied;'and with the greatest pleasure, provided you'll leave me alone: get in, and don'tannoy me.' i obeyed: and, in passing, i noticed hebreathed as fast as a cat. 'yes!'i reflected to myself, 'we shall have a fit of illness. i cannot conceive what he has been doing.'that noon he sat down to dinner with us, and received a heaped-up plate from myhands, as if he intended to make amends for
previous fasting. 'i've neither cold nor fever, nelly,' heremarked, in allusion to my morning's speech; 'and i'm ready to do justice to thefood you give me.' he took his knife and fork, and was goingto commence eating, when the inclination appeared to become suddenly extinct.he laid them on the table, looked eagerly towards the window, then rose and went out. we saw him walking to and fro in the gardenwhile we concluded our meal, and earnshaw said he'd go and ask why he would not dine:he thought we had grieved him some way. 'well, is he coming?' cried catherine, whenher cousin returned.
'nay,' he answered; 'but he's not angry: heseemed rarely pleased indeed; only i made him impatient by speaking to him twice; andthen he bid me be off to you: he wondered how i could want the company of anybodyelse.' i set his plate to keep warm on the fender;and after an hour or two he re-entered, when the room was clear, in no degreecalmer: the same unnatural--it was unnatural--appearance of joy under his black brows; the same bloodless hue, andhis teeth visible, now and then, in a kind of smile; his frame shivering, not as oneshivers with chill or weakness, but as a tight-stretched cord vibrates--a strongthrilling, rather than trembling.
i will ask what is the matter, i thought;or who should? and i exclaimed--'have you heard any goodnews, mr. heathcliff? you look uncommonly animated.''where should good news come from to me?' he said. 'i'm animated with hunger; and, seemingly,i must not eat.' 'your dinner is here,' i returned; 'whywon't you get it?' 'i don't want it now,' he muttered,hastily: 'i'll wait till supper. and, nelly, once for all, let me beg you towarn hareton and the other away from me. i wish to be troubled by nobody: i wish tohave this place to myself.'
'is there some new reason for thisbanishment?' i inquired. 'tell me why you are so queer, mr.heathcliff? where were you last night?i'm not putting the question through idle curiosity, but--' 'you are putting the question through veryidle curiosity,' he interrupted, with a laugh.'yet i'll answer it. last night i was on the threshold of hell. to-day, i am within sight of my heaven.i have my eyes on it: hardly three feet to
sever me!and now you'd better go! you'll neither see nor hear anything tofrighten you, if you refrain from prying.' having swept the hearth and wiped thetable, i departed; more perplexed than ever. he did not quit the house again thatafternoon, and no one intruded on his solitude; till, at eight o'clock, i deemedit proper, though unsummoned, to carry a candle and his supper to him. he was leaning against the ledge of an openlattice, but not looking out: his face was turned to the interior gloom.
the fire had smouldered to ashes; the roomwas filled with the damp, mild air of the cloudy evening; and so still, that not onlythe murmur of the beck down gimmerton was distinguishable, but its ripples and its gurgling over the pebbles, or through thelarge stones which it could not cover. i uttered an ejaculation of discontent atseeing the dismal grate, and commenced shutting the casements, one after another,till i came to his. 'must i close this?' i asked, in order to rouse him; for hewould not stir. the light flashed on his features as ispoke.
oh, mr. lockwood, i cannot express what aterrible start i got by the momentary view! those deep black eyes!that smile, and ghastly paleness! it appeared to me, not mr. heathcliff, buta goblin; and, in my terror, i let the candle bend towards the wall, and it leftme in darkness. 'yes, close it,' he replied, in hisfamiliar voice. 'there, that is pure awkwardness!why did you hold the candle horizontally? be quick, and bring another.' i hurried out in a foolish state of dread,and said to joseph--'the master wishes you to take him a light and rekindle the fire.'for i dared not go in myself again just
then. joseph rattled some fire into the shovel,and went: but he brought it back immediately, with the supper-tray in hisother hand, explaining that mr. heathcliff was going to bed, and he wanted nothing toeat till morning. we heard him mount the stairs directly; hedid not proceed to his ordinary chamber, but turned into that with the panelled bed:its window, as i mentioned before, is wide enough for anybody to get through; and it struck me that he plotted another midnightexcursion, of which he had rather we had no suspicion.'is he a ghoul or a vampire?'
i mused. i had read of such hideous incarnatedemons. and then i set myself to reflect how i hadtended him in infancy, and watched him grow to youth, and followed him almost throughhis whole course; and what absurd nonsense it was to yield to that sense of horror. 'but where did he come from, the littledark thing, harboured by a good man to his bane?' muttered superstition, as i dozedinto unconsciousness. and i began, half dreaming, to weary myselfwith imagining some fit parentage for him; and, repeating my waking meditations, itracked his existence over again, with grim
variations; at last, picturing his death and funeral: of which, all i can rememberis, being exceedingly vexed at having the task of dictating an inscription for hismonument, and consulting the sexton about it; and, as he had no surname, and we could not tell his age, we were obliged tocontent ourselves with the single word, 'heathcliff.'that came true: we were. if you enter the kirkyard, you'll read, onhis headstone, only that, and the date of his death.dawn restored me to common sense. i rose, and went into the garden, as soonas i could see, to ascertain if there were
any footmarks under his window.there were none. 'he has stayed at home,' i thought, 'andhe'll be all right to-day.' i prepared breakfast for the household, aswas my usual custom, but told hareton and catherine to get theirs ere the master camedown, for he lay late. they preferred taking it out of doors,under the trees, and i set a little table to accommodate them.on my re-entrance, i found mr. heathcliff below. he and joseph were conversing about somefarming business; he gave clear, minute directions concerning the matter discussed,but he spoke rapidly, and turned his head
continually aside, and had the same excitedexpression, even more exaggerated. when joseph quitted the room he took hisseat in the place he generally chose, and i put a basin of coffee before him. he drew it nearer, and then rested his armson the table, and looked at the opposite wall, as i supposed, surveying oneparticular portion, up and down, with glittering, restless eyes, and with such eager interest that he stopped breathingduring half a minute together. 'come now,' i exclaimed, pushing some breadagainst his hand, 'eat and drink that, while it is hot: it has been waiting nearan hour.'
he didn't notice me, and yet he smiled. i'd rather have seen him gnash his teeththan smile so. 'mr. heathcliff! master!'i cried, 'don't, for god's sake, stare as if you saw an unearthly vision.' 'don't, for god's sake, shout so loud,' hereplied. 'turn round, and tell me, are we byourselves?' 'of course,' was my answer; 'of course weare.' still, i involuntarily obeyed him, as if iwas not quite sure. with a sweep of his hand he cleared avacant space in front among the breakfast
things, and leant forward to gaze more athis ease. now, i perceived he was not looking at thewall; for when i regarded him alone, it seemed exactly that he gazed at somethingwithin two yards' distance. and whatever it was, it communicated,apparently, both pleasure and pain in exquisite extremes: at least the anguished,yet raptured, expression of his countenance suggested that idea. the fancied object was not fixed, either:his eyes pursued it with unwearied diligence, and, even in speaking to me,were never weaned away. i vainly reminded him of his protractedabstinence from food: if he stirred to
touch anything in compliance with myentreaties, if he stretched his hand out to get a piece of bread, his fingers clenched before they reached it, and remained on thetable, forgetful of their aim. i sat, a model of patience, trying toattract his absorbed attention from its engrossing speculation; till he grewirritable, and got up, asking why i would not allow him to have his own time in taking his meals? and saying that on thenext occasion i needn't wait: i might set the things down and go. having uttered these words he left thehouse, slowly sauntered down the garden
path, and disappeared through the gate.the hours crept anxiously by: another evening came. i did not retire to rest till late, andwhen i did, i could not sleep. he returned after midnight, and, instead ofgoing to bed, shut himself into the room beneath. i listened, and tossed about, and, finally,dressed and descended. it was too irksome to lie there, harassingmy brain with a hundred idle misgivings. i distinguished mr. heathcliff's step,restlessly measuring the floor, and he frequently broke the silence by a deepinspiration, resembling a groan.
he muttered detached words also; the onlyone i could catch was the name of catherine, coupled with some wild term ofendearment or suffering; and spoken as one would speak to a person present; low and earnest, and wrung from the depth of hissoul. i had not courage to walk straight into theapartment; but i desired to divert him from his reverie, and therefore fell foul of thekitchen fire, stirred it, and began to scrape the cinders. it drew him forth sooner than i expected.he opened the door immediately, and said-- 'nelly, come here--is it morning?come in with your light.'
'it is striking four,' i answered. 'you want a candle to take up-stairs: youmight have lit one at this fire.' 'no, i don't wish to go up-stairs,' hesaid. 'come in, and kindle me a fire, and doanything there is to do about the room.' 'i must blow the coals red first, before ican carry any,' i replied, getting a chair and the bellows. he roamed to and fro, meantime, in a stateapproaching distraction; his heavy sighs succeeding each other so thick as to leaveno space for common breathing between. 'when day breaks i'll send for green,' hesaid; 'i wish to make some legal inquiries
of him while i can bestow a thought onthose matters, and while i can act calmly. i have not written my will yet; and how toleave my property i cannot determine. i wish i could annihilate it from the faceof the earth.' 'i would not talk so, mr. heathcliff,' iinterposed. 'let your will be a while: you'll be sparedto repent of your many injustices yet! i never expected that your nerves would bedisordered: they are, at present, marvellously so, however; and almostentirely through your own fault. the way you've passed these three last daysmight knock up a titan. do take some food, and some repose.you need only look at yourself in a glass
to see how you require both. your cheeks are hollow, and your eyesblood-shot, like a person starving with hunger and going blind with loss of sleep.''it is not my fault that i cannot eat or rest,' he replied. 'i assure you it is through no settleddesigns. i'll do both, as soon as i possibly can. but you might as well bid a man strugglingin the water rest within arms' length of the shore!i must reach it first, and then i'll rest. well, never mind mr. green: as to repentingof my injustices, i've done no injustice,
and i repent of nothing.i'm too happy; and yet i'm not happy enough. my soul's bliss kills my body, but does notsatisfy itself.' 'happy, master?'i cried. 'strange happiness! if you would hear me without being angry,i might offer some advice that would make you happier.''what is that?' he asked. 'give it.' 'you are aware, mr. heathcliff,' i said,'that from the time you were thirteen years
old you have lived a selfish, unchristianlife; and probably hardly had a bible in your hands during all that period. you must have forgotten the contents of thebook, and you may not have space to search it now. could it be hurtful to send for some one--some minister of any denomination, it does not matter which--to explain it, and showyou how very far you have erred from its precepts; and how unfit you will be for its heaven, unless a change takes place beforeyou die?' 'i'm rather obliged than angry, nelly,' hesaid, 'for you remind me of the manner in
which i desire to be buried. it is to be carried to the churchyard inthe evening. you and hareton may, if you please,accompany me: and mind, particularly, to notice that the sexton obeys my directionsconcerning the two coffins! no minister need come; nor need anything besaid over me.--i tell you i have nearly attained my heaven; and that of others isaltogether unvalued and uncoveted by me.' 'and supposing you persevered in yourobstinate fast, and died by that means, and they refused to bury you in the precinctsof the kirk?' i said, shocked at his godlessindifference.
'how would you like it?' 'they won't do that,' he replied: 'if theydid, you must have me removed secretly; and if you neglect it you shall prove,practically, that the dead are not annihilated!' as soon as he heard the other members ofthe family stirring he retired to his den, and i breathed freer. but in the afternoon, while joseph andhareton were at their work, he came into the kitchen again, and, with a wild look,bid me come and sit in the house: he wanted somebody with him.
i declined; telling him plainly that hisstrange talk and manner frightened me, and i had neither the nerve nor the will to behis companion alone. 'i believe you think me a fiend,' he said,with his dismal laugh: 'something too horrible to live under a decent roof.' then turning to catherine, who was there,and who drew behind me at his approach, he added, half sneeringly,--'will you come,chuck? i'll not hurt you. no! to you i've made myself worse than thedevil. well, there is one who won't shrink frommy company!
by god! she's relentless. oh, damn it!it's unutterably too much for flesh and blood to bear--even mine.'he solicited the society of no one more. at dusk he went into his chamber. through the whole night, and far into themorning, we heard him groaning and murmuring to himself. hareton was anxious to enter; but i bid himfetch mr. kenneth, and he should go in and see him. when he came, and i requested admittanceand tried to open the door, i found it
locked; and heathcliff bid us be damned.he was better, and would be left alone; so the doctor went away. the following evening was very wet: indeed,it poured down till day-dawn; and, as i took my morning walk round the house, iobserved the master's window swinging open, and the rain driving straight in. he cannot be in bed, i thought: thoseshowers would drench him through. he must either be up or out.but i'll make no more ado, i'll go boldly and look.' having succeeded in obtaining entrance withanother key, i ran to unclose the panels,
for the chamber was vacant; quickly pushingthem aside, i peeped in. mr. heathcliff was there--laid on his back. his eyes met mine so keen and fierce, istarted; and then he seemed to smile. i could not think him dead: but his faceand throat were washed with rain; the bed- clothes dripped, and he was perfectlystill. the lattice, flapping to and fro, hadgrazed one hand that rested on the sill; no blood trickled from the broken skin, andwhen i put my fingers to it, i could doubt no more: he was dead and stark! i hasped the window; i combed his blacklong hair from his forehead; i tried to
close his eyes: to extinguish, if possible,that frightful, life-like gaze of exultation before any one else beheld it. they would not shut: they seemed to sneerat my attempts; and his parted lips and sharp white teeth sneered too!taken with another fit of cowardice, i cried out for joseph. joseph shuffled up and made a noise, butresolutely refused to meddle with him. 'th' divil's harried off his soul,' hecried, 'and he may hev' his carcass into t' bargin, for aught i care! ech! what a wicked 'un he looks, girning atdeath!' and the old sinner grinned in
mockery. i thought he intended to cut a caper roundthe bed; but suddenly composing himself, he fell on his knees, and raised his hands,and returned thanks that the lawful master and the ancient stock were restored totheir rights. i felt stunned by the awful event; and mymemory unavoidably recurred to former times with a sort of oppressive sadness. but poor hareton, the most wronged, was theonly one who really suffered much. he sat by the corpse all night, weeping inbitter earnest. he pressed its hand, and kissed thesarcastic, savage face that every one else
shrank from contemplating; and bemoaned himwith that strong grief which springs naturally from a generous heart, though itbe tough as tempered steel. mr. kenneth was perplexed to pronounce ofwhat disorder the master died. i concealed the fact of his havingswallowed nothing for four days, fearing it might lead to trouble, and then, i ampersuaded, he did not abstain on purpose: it was the consequence of his strangeillness, not the cause. we buried him, to the scandal of the wholeneighbourhood, as he wished. earnshaw and i, the sexton, and six men tocarry the coffin, comprehended the whole attendance.
the six men departed when they had let itdown into the grave: we stayed to see it covered. hareton, with a streaming face, dug greensods, and laid them over the brown mould himself: at present it is as smooth andverdant as its companion mounds--and i hope its tenant sleeps as soundly. but the country folks, if you ask them,would swear on the bible that he walks: there are those who speak to having met himnear the church, and on the moor, and even within this house. idle tales, you'll say, and so say i.
yet that old man by the kitchen fireaffirms he has seen two on 'em looking out of his chamber window on every rainy nightsince his death:--and an odd thing happened to me about a month ago. i was going to the grange one evening--adark evening, threatening thunder--and, just at the turn of the heights, iencountered a little boy with a sheep and two lambs before him; he was crying terribly; and i supposed the lambs wereskittish, and would not be guided. 'what is the matter, my little man?'i asked. 'there's heathcliff and a woman yonder,under t' nab,' he blubbered, 'un' i darnut
pass 'em.' i saw nothing; but neither the sheep nor hewould go on so i bid him take the road lower down. he probably raised the phantoms fromthinking, as he traversed the moors alone, on the nonsense he had heard his parentsand companions repeat. yet, still, i don't like being out in thedark now; and i don't like being left by myself in this grim house: i cannot helpit; i shall be glad when they leave it, and shift to the grange. 'they are going to the grange, then?'i said.
'yes,' answered mrs. dean, 'as soon as theyare married, and that will be on new year's day.' 'and who will live here then?''why, joseph will take care of the house, and, perhaps, a lad to keep him company.they will live in the kitchen, and the rest will be shut up.' 'for the use of such ghosts as choose toinhabit it?' i observed.'no, mr. lockwood,' said nelly, shaking her head. 'i believe the dead are at peace: but it isnot right to speak of them with levity.'
at that moment the garden gate swung to;the ramblers were returning. 'they are afraid of nothing,' i grumbled,watching their approach through the window. 'together, they would brave satan and allhis legions.' as they stepped on to the door-stones, andhalted to take a last look at the moon--or, more correctly, at each other by her light--i felt irresistibly impelled to escape them again; and, pressing a remembrance into the hand of mrs. dean, anddisregarding her expostulations at my rudeness, i vanished through the kitchen asthey opened the house-door; and so should have confirmed joseph in his opinion of his
fellow-servant's gay indiscretions, had henot fortunately recognised me for a respectable character by the sweet ring ofa sovereign at his feet. my walk home was lengthened by a diversionin the direction of the kirk. when beneath its walls, i perceived decayhad made progress, even in seven months: many a window showed black gaps deprived ofglass; and slates jutted off here and there, beyond the right line of the roof, to be gradually worked off in coming autumnstorms. i sought, and soon discovered, the threeheadstones on the slope next the moor: the middle one grey, and half buried in theheath; edgar linton's only harmonized by
the turf and moss creeping up its foot;heathcliff's still bare. i lingered round them, under that benignsky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the softwind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in thatquiet earth.
